


blood under my belt

by orphan_account



Series: trouble will find me [2]
Category: B.A.P
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 19:19:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13196823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “I don’t understand,” Youngjae says, finally looks down at the map. The red wax of the candles are dripping onto the expensive purple tablecloth and crawling to the map. Jongup’s hand is hovering over it, a little crease in his brow. Looking now, Youngjae can see it for what it is. It’s a map of the city, but far back so to see the full scope of the forest.“Think a little harder,” Jongup complains, always gets angry when you can’t figure out what he’s saying. “You know what I’m telling you.”





	blood under my belt

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. This is a monster. I'm so sorry  
> 2\. I rewrote this 5 times, this is the form I'm happiest with it being in, but I don't love it as much as the first part  
> 3\. I hope it doesn't read as vague as I feel like it might, some things I have left unsaid!  
> 4\. Thank you for the comments on the first part! It was so nice to read them. I hope this part is good for everyone also.  
> 5\. The ending is pretty...abrupt. I won't promise anything, but I do love this little world the fic is in. Maybe I'll come back to it someday?  
> 6\. ALSO I WANTED to say that this is definitely not a/b/o and when i say alpha/beta/omega in this I'm referring to actual wolf hierarchy. thank you

_please answer me_

_he wants to see you_

_is this the bridge you really want to burn_

_please answer my calls_

_please answer_

_hes asking for you all the time what are we supposed to tell him_

_please answer me_

_he misses you please answer us please_

 

 

 

 

 

“They fell asleep on the couch together last night,” Junhong stage whispers, leaning his elbows onto the hospital bed to get closer to Youngjae.

Youngjae purses his lips around his spoon, hums lightly. “That’s romantic.”

“Right!” Junhong exclaims, throws his arms around and then slumps back into the chair he’s in. “And I swear they were making out when I got out of the shower yesterday.”

“Oh, gross,” Youngjae moans, drops his head into his hands and presses his fingers against his eyes. “I’m glad I’m here, that’s where I’ll be living now! Ugh, what if they make me sleep on the couch now...”

“Why would we do that?” Himchan says, standing in the door of the room. Junhong jumps, his face flaming bright red. Youngjae jumps also, but manages to keep his composure.

“Because I’m the youngest,” Youngjae says rather lamely, Junhong reaching out to pinch his knee for the weak excuse.

Himchan laughs, comes further into the room and around the bed to dig his knuckles playfully into Junhong’s head.

“They’re probably going to clear you for release in a couple of days,” Himchan begins, arms crossing over his chest when Junhong pushes his hand away. “Junhong already cleared the stuff from your room at the orphanage, so you’re all set to come home.”

“Cool,” Youngjae says, looks at the plate of food he has in front of him. It’s not great, just hospital food, and it does little to comfort him. He still feels...

Feels like something’s missing.

He knows what, obviously.

Before he can sink into his self-loathing a little further, Himchan runs a hand through Youngjae’s hair, fluffs his bangs upwards.

“It’ll be fine. You have us, remember?”

Youngjae nods.

 

 

He only remembers flashes of what happened. Barely has a grasp on the events of that night. It’s frustrating, that his memory so thoroughly wiped itself because of the trauma and adrenaline. He had cried when he tried to tell Himchan what happened when he finally woke up, could barely even remember what happened during his graduation. The bitter part of him held tight onto how of course, werewolves take all of his happy memories, how werewolves infect everything he has.

He remembers waking briefly in the forest to Daehyun yelling into his phone, bare back turned at an angle away from where Youngjae was. He remembers the way he opened his mouth and instead of the words he expected to come out, blood choked his airway and the hitch of his chest made his pain burn so bright that his eyes rolled back again.

After that, there is nothing. Youngjae hadn’t known how he had ended up in the hospital, had only woke up three days later, multiple blood transfusions later, Yongguk asleep in the chair by the windows of the room. Himchan and Junhong had walked in then, had shouted so loud Yongguk jerked out of the chair into a standing position.

A day after he woke and the doctor had taken out his breathing tube, Himchan sat by his side, chair pulled up and Youngjae’s hand clasped in both of his. It was night, Yongguk and Junhong curled onto a mattress on the other side of Youngjae’s bed.

“Tell me what you remember,” Himchan said softly, thumb stroking his wrist soothingly.

“We went to the party,” Youngjae recounted, struggled to find details of the party. Remembered the embarrassing part of it, feels his face burn immediately. “Um, Daehyun told me that I don’t really know him and I got mad and left.”

Himchan accepted it easily though, doesn’t push Youngjae for more on that.

“I don’t really remember...” Youngjae muttered, stared hard at his lap as tears come to his eyes.

“That’s OK,” Himchan said, tightening his grip on Youngjae’s hand.

With a lowered voice, Youngjae said: “I remember Daehyun...turning.”

Himchan is quiet for much longer. Weighing his words.

“And?” He went with, wanted to know the rest before lingering.

The way Himchan isn’t shocked by Youngjae’s words tells him enough. Hurt bubbled in his chest then, his tears came a little stronger. Struggling to sniffle quietly, Youngjae wracked his brain.

“I was really hurt, I remember waking up and he was human and on the phone and then...nothing.”

Silence sits in the room, Yongguk and Junhong’s breaths the only noise besides Youngjae’s medical equipment.

“He called us and we came and got you. When we got to the hospital you were nearly dead, it was...it was one of the worst things I’ve ever had to see.” Himchan said, eyes distant and unfocused. Youngjae squeezed his hand this time, smiled at the older man.

“But I lived,” he said.

 

 

Post-graduation life is tedious. Maybe not as tedious as school, but Youngjae got a real job and pays rent to Yongguk. He works at the gym, teaches self-defense classes all day long. It’s actually really nice, Youngjae likes talking to people, likes making people confident in their ability to protect themselves. But, Youngjae gets up at 5AM every weekday, goes to work until 4PM and then comes back to an empty apartment to shower and wait.

Yongguk works weird hours, likes to volunteer extra at the food pantry and stay for times he doesn’t need to. Himchan is Himchan. He's been hunting and actually been getting paid, though Himchan mostly declines payment for that work.

It’s summer for Junhong, he has no class and has been hanging out with his friends. Mainly Jongup, who keeps squirming his way into dinner at Yongguk’s apartment.

Youngjae feels good, actually. Even if it’s maybe not as glorious as taking down a werewolf, he’s still as close to happy as he has been in awhile.

He still feels the hole in his heart, but maybe if he ignores it long enough it will close up finally.

 

 

They decided they should flip coins to see who gets to sleep on the bed each night. They had previously decided to do rock paper scissors, but Youngjae protested after three weeks of sleeping on the couch that they were teaming up against him. Now, they each flip the coin individually and if they call it correctly, get to be on the bed. Eventually, Youngjae protested this also, claimed that Yongguk charmed the coin and he will not sleep on the couch again.

Yongguk drops the charm then, holds his hands up in surrender and they settle into more random assortments.

When Youngjae and Yongguk get the bed, Himchan ends up on it also anyway. He’s too prissy, whines and complains and then sneaks in in the middle of the night. Youngjae usually kicks him hard when he wakes up, gets shoved out of the bed for his efforts.

When Yongguk and Himchan get the bed, Youngjae sleeps on the couch with earphones in. It’s not that they’ve ever _said_ they were something maybe closer than friends, never mention the way the hostility between them has dropped, never put off sometimes by Youngjae or Junhong’s shock when they coexist nicely, but. Youngjae just won’t risk it. It’s bad enough Himchan sneaks in when he’s in there and curls his arm around Yongguk’s waist and makes Youngjae feel like a kid in his parent’s bed or something.

When Himchan and Youngjae get the bed, Himchan decides to do all of his talking. He always needs to touch base, to get a feel for where the kids are, take care of them. With Junhong, this manifests as him texting him throughout the day, riding the bus with him, walking with him. With Youngjae, this manifests in late night talks.

Like now, for one. It’s the end of the summer, Youngjae is just drifting to sleep when Himchan finally slinks in to crawl into bed.

“Youngjae,” Himchan says quietly, smacks his cheek lightly to get him to open his eyes.

“What,” Youngjae groans, waves Himchan’s hand away from him.

“I need to tell you something,” Himchan says, sounds serious and something else, a lilt that makes Youngjae turn over to look at the man sitting cross-legged on the other side of the bed.

“About what?”

A beat of silence.

“It’s about Daehyun.”

“Oh.”

Himchan moves so he’s laying on his side and facing Youngjae. Their faces are close enough for Youngjae to count Himchan’s eyelashes. It’s like they’re kids telling secrets at a sleepover.

“I know you already know that I was aware of what Daehyun is.” Himchan starts, his hands tucked under his head. Youngjae doesn’t really want to talk about this, but nods anyway. If Himchan is determined to talk about it, then he is going to make Youngjae talk about it no matter what.

“I may have...been pushing for him to tell you already,” Himchan says slowly, watches Youngjae. “I stopped him before you two left for the party, I had some words with him.”

It occurs to Youngjae that he really doesn’t know anything about Daehyun, maybe even anything about Himchan also. His chest hurts, thinks about how he’s so in the dark all the time, how no one tells him things. His best friend couldn’t even tell him about the biggest part of his life. How could Daehyun even face him?

He doesn’t realize it, but Himchan reaches out and grips Youngjae’s shoulder and takes long, deep breaths to give Youngjae something to match his own to. He’s hyperventilating a little, closes his eyes and tries to match the sound of Himchan’s breaths.

“Am I the bad guy?” Youngjae asks eventually, Himchan’s nails scratching comfortingly on his scalp.

“Why would you be?” Himchan answers, withdraws his hand and rolls onto his back. “Not all werewolves are good, not all humans are good. You didn’t have a problem with the local pack, there was nothing stopping him from telling you. He’s a coward, couldn’t face his own fears and when pushed and prodded turned to anger and isolation.”

Youngjae snorts, rubs his eyes and then reaches over to pinch Himchan’s neck. “Have you been practicing that?”

Himchan grins, rolls back over and crushes Youngjae into a hug. “Yes, Yongguk and I have been practicing our speeches to give you.”

“Thanks,” Youngjae whispers after a few minutes, gets a kiss on the forehead from Himchan.

 

 

It seems Yongguk and Himchan coordinated to wait four months after what Youngjae refers to as The Fiasco to give him their _You’re a Good Person, Youngjae_ speeches.

A few days after Himchan, Yongguk is at home when Youngjae drags himself in after work. He’s struggle cooking as usual, and Youngjae hovers to try and see what he’s making. It’s just ramen, but Yongguk grins at him like he’s making the greatest thing ever. It’s endearing, gives Youngjae the energy to go shower and change.

While they’re eating, Yongguk clears his throat and puts his chopsticks down. Youngjae mimics him, knows when Yongguk is about to say something he needs to listen to.

“I think we have been keeping secrets from you for too long,” he says, and Youngjae’s idiot brain goes first to panic, because he thinks he’s about to get the I-Am-Dating-But-You’re-Still-Number-One-In-My-Life speech, doesn’t even think about The Fiasco.

“Whatever was kept from you, it’s not your fault you weren’t told,” Yongguk continues, his words slow and spaced awkwardly, he’s not entirely comfortable with these kind of speeches, but Youngjae is getting a little teary anyway.

“You’re everything I could ask for in a son,” Yongguk says, and Youngjae has to drop his eyes down to his lap to try and hide his tears. He’s just, so easy, looks so hard for Yongguk’s approval.

“It was our misjudgment to hide things from you and...now when we look back we realize maybe that contributed to you getting hurt. And...we just think you shouldn’t blame yourself. You’ve done a lot, extended yourself a lot, went through a lot. Youngjae, you’ve worked hard. It’s not your fault what happened, nothing you could have done would have changed anything in the end. Just, try to not be so hard on yourself.” Yongguk trails off at the end, taps his fingers a little anxiously on the table.

Youngjae sniffles, wipes his cheeks and scoots around the table. Yongguk doesn’t really initiate physical contact like this, but he accepts Youngjae’s hug. Lets Youngjae bury his face into his sweater and stay like that for a bit.

 

 

Sometimes, when he’s alone on the couch for the night, listening to his music to drown out anything he doesn’t want to hear, his mind wanders.

He really misses Daehyun. Feels like he’s missing half of himself. Catches himself almost texting Daehyun time and time again. Stops just before he hits the 3 on his speed-dial. Barely remembers to get off the bus before it reaches the edge of the city, where he would usually get off and walk to Daehyun’s house in the suburbs. It’s so frustrating, can’t believe it’s come to this.

Can’t believe Daehyun had been so irrational, had been given a scolding from Himchan and then mulled over it long enough to get himself so worked up he tried to distance himself from Youngjae, walk back on everything he had been doing and saying.

He hates so much that his last memory of Daehyun is just his back, that Daehyun couldn’t even bother to tell him goodbye, or say congratulations on surviving, or sorry for never telling you this important part of my life.

Or, anything. Anything other than this silence, this nothingness.

Youngjae tries to hold onto the things Himchan and Yongguk tell him, tries to grasp that maybe it isn’t his fault. Maybe it really was on Daehyun. But how can he? All he can do is think that maybe, maybe if he had been different, maybe Daehyun would have opened up to him. Maybe he wasn’t a good friend, maybe he was too preoccupied.

He can’t even find anger anymore, just this cold sadness.

 

 

Life goes on, the weather turning cold and the three of them all smushing onto one bed because the window in the living room doesn’t shut well and it’s warmer in the bedroom.

Youngjae feels distinctly more like a kid with his parents then, with his nose pressed against Himchan’s collarbone and Yongguk’s head smashed against his shoulder blade, an arm over Youngjae’s waist to rest on Himchan’s hip. They don’t ever do anything when Youngjae or Junhong are around, but he thinks they’ve seen them jerk apart when they walk in enough times now to get an idea of what’s going on. It’s ridiculous to be secretive, Youngjae thinks, because Junhong and him were always pushing for the two men to get closer, to stop being so hostile. The bed was never big to begin with, so they don’t have much space to stretch out and always end up tangled in the middle of the bed. Vaguely, it’s uncomfortable, makes Youngjae feel awkward about being in the middle of whatever they are, but Himchan only ever smiles at him and ruffles his hair, Yongguk squeezes his shoulder and smiles as well, so he thinks there are no hard feelings.

But, something has been niggling at Youngjae’s mind.

Himchan has taken up the hunting for the city now, tells Youngjae it’s best he just stay out of it, keep his head down. He accepts it, especially now that Himchan is here. Before, he was the only one here, the only one who could help. How could he say no when people were calling him for help? Now, he can just redirect the call.

Hunters keep late hours, the best time to hunt is at night, so Himchan usually won’t come back until early in the morning hours when he gets a call. Youngjae wouldn’t bat an eyelash at this, if Himchan wasn’t doing it multiple nights in a row, for the majority of the week every week. This city is a hotspot, yes, but even at the most hectic Youngjae only ever had to go out multiple nights in a row once or twice. And he was the lone hunter then, Himchan has another hunter with him, so he shouldn’t be doing so much.

It’s not as worrying as it was with Youngjae, because Himchan is an adult and his only job is hunting, but it still makes Youngjae suspicious. He tells Yongguk, but Yongguk is blasé about it all, plays it off. That also rings a warning bell in Youngjae’s head, wondering why Yongguk is covering for the other man. He thinks they are hiding something, and when Himchan comes back early the next night and then doesn’t go out for the rest of the week, his smile focused on Youngjae like he’s trying to prove something, Youngjae begins to really think they are hiding something.

Youngjae is a veteran hunter. He’s still in his teens, freshly graduated, and yet he would be in the seniority ranking of any hunting unit. Himchan is even more veteran than him though, so Youngjae has no options of digging. He can’t pull rank, as he would on anyone else, because Himchan _trained him_ , and Himchan has been doing this his whole life also. They have no actual hunting sector here, Himchan had originally been drawn to the city because of it, the place being small enough to have no built up infrastructure against werewolves but big enough to have a werewolf problem that needed solving. There is still no infrastructure, so few hunters being here makes it more of a free-for-all, and Himchan can do basically whatever he wants.

Yongguk clearly was with Himchan, clearly was part of whatever was happening, so he was a no go.

Junhong was too young, not even a hunter, so he couldn’t do anything either.

The only person left was Jongup.

Moon Jongup is a character, an eccentric mage who is the main mage of the city. Jongup is one of the youngest Head Mages in the whole country, younger than Youngjae even. He’s hard to find, though, the way to him only opening when he allows you to see him. Youngjae is more persuasive than most, and Jongup is more fond of him than he lets on, so Youngjae can nearly always find him.

It’s a Friday night, and Himchan isn’t home. Yongguk narrows his eyes at Youngjae when he slips out the front door, but doesn’t call him back, so Youngjae keeps going.

Jongup’s house is in the suburbs, (like Daehyun’s, Youngjae’s brain reminds him,) and it’s late enough that the buses aren’t running.

And, Youngjae has been fine for months, has walked by himself to places, has walked at night to the store and not been tense. But. There is something about the forty-five minute walk south, the trees that rise up and mark the transition from city to suburb, the shadows out of the corners of his eyes. Maybe he hasn’t walked this far by himself in the dark since any of the incidents, and it makes his eyes well up a little, his hands shake a little in his pockets. His shoulders are tense, and Youngjae takes solace in how his muscles pull.

Before he knows it, in the hazy way that means Jongup let him come, Youngjae is outside Jongup’s window and the younger boy is glaring at him.

“Why are you out walking alone to find me in the middle of the night?” Jongup hisses, puts a hand down to grasp Youngjae’s and help him in the window.

Jongup may be the strongest mage in the city, but he’s still a minor and he’s too much of a family boy to ever go against his parents, still follows their rules and studies in school.

He is casting soundproof charms to allow them to speak louder when Youngjae speaks.

“I was fine,” he says a bit too caustically, shoulders hunching upwards, eyes glued to the floor.

Jongup sighs like a man twice his age, finishes his charms and sits on his bed to properly glare at Youngjae.

“You and Himchan are exactly the same, it’s a wonder he isn’t biologically related to you.”

Youngjae rolls his eyes, pulls out Jongup’s desk chair to sit across from the boy.

“I need your help,” Youngjae begins, loosens himself and purses his lips at Jongup.

“I don’t approve of you hunting again, and will not enable you anymore.” Jongup says mechanically, and Youngjae gapes.

“That’s _not_ what I was going to ask for,” Youngjae says slowly, “but thanks, I guess.”

There is a couple of ways Jongup could have been swayed against just allowing Youngjae to do what he wanted, his connection to Junhong the most likely one, but it’s a little startling for Youngjae to realize that last spring’s incidents were enough to push even Jongup’s hand.

“What do you want then?” Jongup asks, tilts his head. Jongup is nearly supernatural, seems to always know what Youngjae wants and where he needs to be and how he’s feeling, it’s his magic, Youngjae thinks. Youngjae thinks he also knows every time a werewolf steps into the city limits, but Jongup won’t confirm or deny it. He must have been broadcasting the same feeling he did when he was about to hunt, must have thrown Jongup off.

“I’m worried,” Youngjae says, “because I think Himchan is dealing with something too big for him.”

Jongup doesn’t say anything, just looks thoughtful.

“But they won’t let me in and I wanted to see if you knew anything.”

Jongup sighs again, taps his chin and then shrugs, “Dunno.”

“Jongup,” Youngjae says warningly, and Jongup shrugs again.

“How should I know, anyway?”

“You know everything.”

“No.”

“Yes,” Youngjae snaps, waves his hands a little in the air for dramatic effect.

Jongup gives him a flat look, looks close to kicking Youngjae out.

“Please, just, where is Himchan?” Youngjae pleads, clasps his hands in front of himself.

“I don’t know, Youngjae.” Jongup says it haltingly, like he’s really trying to prove a point.

“Not even a little?”

“No.”

Youngjae rubs his forehead, feels annoyed at being shut out like this. There’s no way Jongup wouldn’t know, unless Himchan hasn’t been coming to him, but there’s no way. Yongguk isn’t supposed to be doing the magic for people who are hunting anymore.

That makes Youngjae pause, because maybe Yongguk is doing the magic again, that would explain a little of why Jongup wouldn’t know.

“I’ll go then,” Youngjae sighs, stands and kicks the chair back to the desk.

Youngjae is half out of the window when Jongup says, “Daehyun is back in town for winter break,” and Youngjae nearly throws himself out of the window to get away from that conversation.

 

Halfway back to the apartment, Yongguk calls Youngjae.

“Where are you?” He grunts over the line, and Youngjae can hear the way concern rattles his words.

“I’m almost back,” Youngjae answers, lets his shoulders loosen and his fist relax.

“Please tell me where you’re going when you leave,” Yongguk says, and Youngjae feels a little ruffled.

“I’m an adult.”

“You’re living under my roof,” Yongguk says, isn’t even mean about it, says it simply.

Youngjae hesitates, says, “I went to see Jongup.”

“Youngjae,” Yongguk says in his dad voice, the voice that says he’s disappointed in Youngjae.

“Not for hunting reasons,” Youngjae rushes to add, tries to think of another reason he would go to Jongup. “For nightmares.”

Which, well, actually would have been a good reason to go to Jongup.

“Oh,” Yongguk says. “I’m sorry for assuming.”

“You’re right to be suspicious,” Youngjae mutters into the phone, thinks about how spot on Yongguk really is.

“I don’t think so, you’ve done nothing to be suspicious of in months. I should have noticed that your nightmares have been getting bad. What’d he say?”

Youngjae didn’t think this far ahead. Struggles to imagine what Jongup would have done for nightmares.

“He just wanted me to see if I can get myself through it by not stressing myself out.” Good enough, Youngjae supposes.

“Alright,” Yongguk says, “do you want me to come out to you?”

“No,” Youngjae says, even if he really means yes.

Yongguk hesitates for an awkward amount of time, probably weighing if he should come meet Youngjae anyway.

“I’ll meet you a couple blocks down from the apartment, OK?” Yongguk finally says, and Youngjae can’t keep his lips from lifting into a smile.

 

 

It’s January when Youngjae decides to take things into his own hands. He’s alone in the bedroom, staring at the dark wall and hearing Yongguk’s quiet rustlings from the other room. Himchan isn’t back, even though it’s nearly 2AM, and a thick layer of snow has fallen onto the ground.

Youngjae is an experienced hunter, there’s no reason for him to sit around. He wants to know what Himchan is doing and he will find out. It takes almost no time for him to get up, pull on some running pants and the thickest sweatshirt he has.

Hunting requires mobility, he can’t afford to wear layers or have a bulky coat on him, so he sticks to this.

Thankfully, he has been wearing his steel-toed boots more casually, so Yongguk won’t question him putting them on.

He digs his knife out from the closet, shoves it into the pocket of his sweatshirt and finds his gloves.

Yongguk looks up at him questioningly when he steps out of the bedroom, and Youngjae smiles at the man.

“Jaebum texted me,” Youngjae says, lets the pause afterword imply enough to make Yongguk assume.

Yongguk’s cheeks flush a little, and he looks down at the table. “Oh, I see.”

“I might come back after,” Youngjae says, will definitely be back eventually.

Yongguk nods and gives him a thumbs up.

Sometimes they’re just too easy.

Youngjae knows a couple of things about hunting in this city. The woods on the east are where most of the lone wolves stay, because the pack stays in the woods on the southwest of the city near the suburbs. Youngjae tries to not think about how blind he really was, and focuses on where Himchan could be.

The walk is fairly long, but Youngjae is as fit as he ever was, and speed walks to the best of his ability.

Himchan has given no hints about what he’s hunting, so Youngjae can’t narrow down the sections of the forest very well. He thinks he’s probably just going to walk from the north end of it to the south, see if he can find anything. It’s not the biggest forest ever, and he doubts Himchan would go deep enough into the forest to actually get to the bigger parts of it. No hunter would stray away from the city or town they are meant to be protecting.

(Youngjae has, though, and he’s lived so far, but Himchan would have surely killed him for the reckless nature of it.)

The snow actually makes hunting easier, because turned wolves are big and loud and have bad balance. They’re way too top heavy and the snow makes things slick. Youngjae has busted his ass enough times in the winter also, but werewolves are notoriously clumsy even in just normal conditions.

After about forty minutes, Youngjae reaches the edge of the forest. It sets his nerves jangling, makes his shoulders tense and his fists clench in the pocket of his sweatshirt. He takes a few breaths, relaxes, puts himself into the mindset of the hunter.

He can do this, has done this, has beaten back his fear to hunt. This is hardly the first time he has bounced back from a traumatic injury and forced himself back out into the woods. He just needs to let his instincts carry him. Just needs to relax and be loose, allow his training to protect him.

Initially, Youngjae finds nothing much in the north end of the forest. Werewolves have a couple of recognizable markers. They leave footprints, yes, and they leave a distinctive path. They’re tall enough to break things that are higher up, and they have a tendency to scratch. Youngjae finds old scratches, old footprints that are covered by the snow. He thinks werewolves probably would have moved to the south end of this forest, because the ground is higher up and the stream has carved more caves out of the rock around it.

The further south he walks, though, the more suspicious things he finds.

Werewolves don’t normally travel in packs, at least, not like this. Packs are more often than not born wolves, the social hierarchy of wolves meaning that turned wolves are very rarely accepted into packs.

It’s an injustice, Youngjae thinks, because a turned wolf is only turned because of the intentions of a born wolf, but that’s simplifying it. A turned wolf can turn people also, and maybe the turned wolf is a plague to born wolves. Turned wolves cause the most problems, have the least control and the least experience. What can you do though, besides protect yourself and your people?

What he’s finding though, is making his stance drop a little lower, his hand curve around the handle of his knife.

Youngjae hasn’t been in the forest in nearly a year, and it is bound to change. But, there are too many markings. The scratches aren’t _new_ but they aren’t _old_. A lot of wolves have been through this area, and the placement of their markings is strange. He’s finding evidence of what must be brawls, the way the smaller trees have been snapped in half, the way there are flattened areas of plants, the way footprints seem to be all around, with their claws raking through the ground.

He’s never really seen this from non-pack wolves, and he doubts the pack would be in this forest and actually fighting, especially with Himchan around to take care of this part of the city.

But, maybe things have changed?

Youngjae is still alone, hasn’t heard anything besides the normal forest noises.

Walking silently is one of Youngjae’s best skills, picks his step well enough to minimize noise. Werewolves are loud, especially turned wolves. They are large and impulsive and usually just stomp around. It’s one of their weaknesses, their inability to truly keep quiet.

When Youngjae gets into the south end of the forest, he can hear it.

He hears at least two werewolves, they’re barking at each other or something, Youngjae hasn’t seen them yet, had paused immediately to listen.

His chances aren’t great with two werewolves, and he’s confused because he hasn’t even seen Himchan yet, who he thought would be around this area. Youngjae decides to wait, steps quietly over to a tree and leans against it. Maybe Himchan is taking his time, waiting for them to be weak so he can have a better chance against both of them.

It’s worrying, that there are two werewolves together here. Youngjae doesn’t like to think that there is so much wolf traffic that they’re getting more than just lone wolves. Youngjae also doesn’t like to kill for no reason, has no reason to attack these wolves. They seem nice enough, if the way they’re yipping at each other and playing means anything.

Maybe he can just find a way around them, find a way further south without bothering these wolves. It’s risky, requires him to be _very_ quiet and stay downwind of them so they don’t scent him, but maybe it’s his best chance.

He’s working his way right, the ground lower than the wolves so maybe he can stay far enough away for his scent to stay hidden. He’s slowly making progress, taking more care than usual to move silently, is also crouched low to keep himself out of view.

The wolves are still not paying attention to him, and his thighs are starting to ache from the way he’s walking, but it’s just a little more now, the wind and the snow hitting his face.

He thinks he’s in the clear, thinks he has almost made it, when the wind direction changes. When the wind hits the side of his face, the snow going into his ear, the twig under his foot snapping.

He freezes, holds his breath.

The wolves are quiet now.

His hand slides back to his pocket.

They haven’t moved either, no sounds coming towards him.

The wind has died down.

The wolves bark at each other again.

Youngjae waits for them to go back to focusing on each other.

He’s praying the wind doesn’t start up again.

The wolves still haven’t moved, must be waiting for the wind.

He takes a couple more steps, as silent as possible.

The wind howls through the forest, Youngjae already tensing for the inevitable.

The wolves are moving now, he can hear their heavy bodies clambering through the snow.

Youngjae has already spun, his knife out and his body lowered into one of his fighting stances when he sees the wolves.

They are obviously related in some way, their markings are nearly the same and their sizes are similar. They’re both off-white, sort of yellowish.

They circle him together, and Youngjae keeps his eyes on them.

Before they can lunge at him, though, there’s movement in the forest towards them. The wolves turn towards it, and so does Youngjae.

It’s not Himchan, because Himchan would never be so loud, and if the other wolves have turned then it must be a wolf they don’t know.

Either this is good or bad for Youngjae, and he holds his breath again.

The grey wolf that slithers through the trees like a real, actual wolf makes Youngjae’s breath hitch.

Born werewolves are more wolfish than turned wolves. The yellowish two are turned, their backs arched enough that it’s more comfortable for them to walk on two legs. It’s because their bodies aren’t used to the change, and their paws are closer to hands than actual paws, their snouts not half as long. Their fur is often scragglier, also.

Daehyun is a born wolf, his back arched enough to signify werewolf, but also not so much that he prefers to walk on two legs, though he can. He could nearly pass for a real wolf, he’s larger than an actual wolf, but his face and paws are the same as a real wolf, the only difference is the back and the size.

The wolf doesn’t pause, steps around the other werewolves with a snarl and walks a circle around Youngjae, makes him tense. Daehyun snarls at the wolves again, pushes against Youngjae’s side, makes the other wolves hesitate.

When they finally back off and go back to where they had been, Daehyun is suddenly pushing Youngjae with his head, forcing Youngjae to stumble sideways and towards the west.

“Stop it,” Youngjae says, puts his hands out to try and push Daehyun’s massive wolf head away from him. Daehyun makes a huffing noise, shows his teeth in a way that makes Youngjae tense, and then keeps pushing.

This is so typical, really, that this would happen to him. Why was this pack wolf even in this forest? Why did those wolves just listen to him? Those weren’t pack wolves. Unless the pack has moved and no one had bothered to inform Youngjae, then this makes almost no sense.

“Stop,” Youngjae says, takes a few steps away from Daehyun and further south.

Daehyun growls at him and it makes shivers run down Youngjae’s spine, makes memories he doesn’t want to think about push to the front of his mind.

“I’m not hunting,” for werewolves, anyway.

The wolf comes around to Youngjae’s front, he stands onto two legs and then puts his front paws on Youngjae’s shoulders. First, it’s heavy as fuck, Youngjae only barely manages to keep standing, and second, it’s _cold_. The snow on Daehyun’s paws soak right through Youngjae’s sweatshirt.

He reaches forward, pushes his (cold) nose against Youngjae’s neck.

It would maybe warm his heart if this had happened at a different time.

Right now? He’s so annoyed that he wants to leave. Maybe that was Daehyun’s fucking goal.

Youngjae bends slightly at the waist, tips enough that Daehyun’s paws slide off and he’s back to being on four legs. He’s still tall enough that if he stretched he could comfortably touch his nose to Youngjae’s neck, but at least now he’s not putting all of his weight on Youngjae.

“Fuck off,” Youngjae snaps, stomps around Daehyun and further into the forest. He can’t stand to look at this wolf right now. Can’t stand the hurt in his chest and the relief and the mixed emotions like how bad he wants to talk to him and how bad he wants to forgive him and how bad he just wants to see him as human again and hug him or, everything.

It’s overwhelming, and Youngjae just wants to find Himchan and go back to the apartment and not think about Daehyun again.

Daehyun follows him, because of course he does.

He doesn’t let him get far though, comes back around and starts pushing Youngjae back towards the edge of the forest.

“Stop,” Youngjae says again, tries to step back around from Daehyun but finds the wolf moving with him to block his path.

“I’m trying to find Himchan,” Youngjae hisses, has his hands on Daehyun’s side to try and push the wolf out of his way.

Daehyun makes a snorting noise, then resumes forcing Youngjae to the east.

“Leave me the fuck alone,” Youngjae says, turns on his heel and walks the way they came to try and get around him again.

Daehyun follows him, because of course he does, and Youngjae barely contains himself from lashing out. Breathes out hard from his nose and pulls out his phone.

It’s 4AM now, he has no text messages, and it’s nearing sunrise. Youngjae feels...

He feels...bad. Standing in the snow and staring at his phone with Daehyun still pushing his head against his side to force him out of the forest. He feels bad. Feels the weight on his shoulders like how he felt when he was the only hunter. Feels the loneliness of missing your best friend. Feels the hurt he felt when he woke up and Yongguk had awkwardly explained that Daehyun had left. That Daehyun had never stopped by. That Junhong’s texts and calls went unanswered. It hurts so, so bad. He’s crying now, stupid little tears that he accidentally blinked out sliding down his face. Daehyun pauses, and Youngjae’s shoulders hunch towards his neck. Wipes his cheeks quickly and gives up. Turns towards the city and walks. Daehyun trots behind him, and he’s a wolf but Youngjae thinks he can still feel his nervous energy.

When Youngjae steps out of the forest, can see the pavement of the sidewalk between some buildings ahead of him, Daehyun pauses at the edge of the treeline. Youngjae doesn’t turn, doesn’t look back.

“Why are you acting like you even care?” Youngjae whispers, doesn’t want to wait for wolf Daehyun to huff at him or something, begins to cross the field.

Daehyun barks at him, a sharp, alarmed bark, but Youngjae ignores him, walks steadily to the city and begins the walk to Yongguk’s apartment.

 

He gets back around 5:30AM, the apartment is dark, and Youngjae kicks his boots off and stuffs his knife into them. Easier to hide there then try and get it back into the closet.

He feels annoyed when he steps into the bedroom and Himchan is in the bed, Yongguk blinks a little owlishly at Youngjae in the doorway. And Youngjae just waves a little. He pulls some of the blankets from the closet and goes back out to the living room to crash on the couch. He’s too wound up to deal with them right now, feels rubbed a bit too raw to be near them.

He tries to not think about Daehyun, about his warmth, about the way his fur felt between Youngjae’s fingers, about how much he looks like himself as a wolf, about how he saw Youngjae’s tears. He tries to think about better things, like his friends now, his job now, his family.

He turns so his head is buried in the pillow and his crying can’t be heard.

 

 

Youngjae thinks there are three moments in his life that changed the entire trajectory of his future.

One: Cowering under his bed, the snarls and screams in his house echoing and embedding themselves so deeply into his head that he still hears them in his nightmares, still cringes when a dog sounds too similar to the snarls in his head, when a scream is too eerily reminiscent of what he heard. Hears the _click click_ on the floor and the wolf push into his room, watches it get closer to the bed, it’s on two feet, no doubt sniffing the air. His mother screams, the wolf turns and doesn’t come back. He can never erase any of the noises from that day from his head. Can barely think back without terror pumping through his veins.

Two: He has the knife so deep in the werewolf’s throat that the handle is partially in. He’s looking into the wolf’s eyes, so wide, so scared. He thinks, what am I doing? But he doesn’t pull the knife out, can’t move from his position hovering over the wolf. It opens its snout, werewolf noses aren’t as long as regular wolf noses, something that Youngjae notices now. No sound escapes from the wolf, it just opens and closes its mouth, struggling to gasp in air. Youngjae panics, yanks up on the knife desperately, it’s stuck in though, he only gets it half out and then his bloody hand slips off the handle, the force of his pull throwing him onto his back. It’s somehow worse now, when he sits up and looks again. The wolf is limp, the knife is sticking unnaturally out of its throat. Youngjae has to turn so he can vomit. He wipes his hands on his jeans as best as he can, then pulls his phone out and shakily presses speed dial 3.

Three: No one truly wins a fight, Himchan had once told Youngjae. You can kill the other guy, but still die yourself. Who really wins then? The werewolf is too strong, Youngjae is too small and weak to truly be a match for this wolf. Himchan had always, always taught him how to be tricky enough to still match up, to beat an opponent you shouldn’t be able to. But, this is the third werewolf in as many days, Youngjae hasn’t been sleeping, has had to keep going to school, has been trekking through the forest and trying to figure out where all these damn werewolves were coming for the last week. His arms and legs shake with the effort of trying to keep him going, keep him slipping just out of grasp of the wolf. Himchan would have stepped in for him now, but Himchan left a year ago, had told Youngjae he’s always a phone call away, but that’s no help now. He struggles, manages to knick the wolf, and the wolfsbane on his knife make it howl, but then it turns and _bites_ , Youngjae was too slow, yanks back only far enough that the bite gets part of his neck, not all of it. The rest happens in slow motion, Youngjae’s hand going to his torn throat, the wolf picking Youngjae up and depositing him in a ditch, before stumbling away. The wolfsbane will kill it. Youngjae knows, any amount of wolfsbane is a death sentence. He can’t breathe, his head is starting to fuzz. His phone is in his hand now, somehow, doesn’t quite remember pulling it out. He pushes speed dial 3.

Maybe it’s pathetic that Daehyun is involved in two of this life-changing moments. Calling him hadn’t been the most thought out decision in either of the situations, but what does it say about him that his first call had always been to Daehyun? He’s settled on feeling like an idiot, someone who cared more and loved harder than the other person. Daehyun must have just not cared if he didn’t see that Youngjae would have done anything for him. It’s easier for Youngjae to process if he thinks that way, it’s been a year since The Fiasco now, and Youngjae thinks he’s in a better place.

In fact, he even has friends now. People his age he met around town. They politely don’t mention his hunter past, only occasionally make jokes about how you shouldn’t fuck with Youngjae.

Maybe it’s pathetic that Youngjae misses the way hunting made him have goals. Himchan used to say, you can take the boy out of hunting, but you can’t take the hunter out of the boy. It doesn’t really flow, doesn’t really stick, but Youngjae’s the boy constantly. Remembers when Himchan had said it when Youngjae was seventeen and pledging to hunt for the city himself with Himchan gone. Remembers how happy Himchan was when Youngjae woke up, remembers how Himchan said he felt guilty for getting Youngjae into hunting.

Himchan is missing for another night, Youngjae winks at Yongguk and waves his phone a little, watches another blush rise on Yongguk’s cheeks.

It’s too easy, sometimes.

He’s been out briefly between the time in the winter and now, those times he hasn’t actually done anything, just scoped out the forest again. Got a feel for how it looked now, how it had changed. Himchan always told him the best hunters knew their environment, the best hunters could spot a change in their territory.

So, even with Jongup narrowing his eyes critically at him over the dinner table each time Junhong convinces him to come over, Youngjae has been trekking through the forest.

He’s been lucky, all the werewolves he has encountered he has successfully gotten away from, hadn’t actually fought any of them.

(He’s been out of the game long enough that he’s nothing more than a distant memory to any werewolf familiar with this area.)

He had actually gotten a call this time though, which was unusual in and of itself, because Himchan was supposed to be getting the calls, but Youngjae can’t say no, has never been able to say no to someone pleading for help.

The house is on the east of the city, one of the big houses in the north. Something always curdles in Youngjae’s gut when he has to go help the people in that part of town, but it’s not his place to judge who is worth helping.

It takes forty minutes, as usual, for him to cross the city, and when he’s just stepping onto the property, his phone buzzes in his jacket pocket.

 _it’s summer break_ , it reads, from Jongup.

Youngjae has no idea what he’s talking about, sends back a quick _??_ and then keeps moving to the front door of the big house.

Another twenty minutes later sees him sneaking around the yard, pacing the fencing and hedging, knife in his hand. Hopefully, the werewolf will see him and decide the effort isn’t worth it, because otherwise Youngjae is in for a much more brutal fight than he really thinks he’s ready for.

In the history of werewolves, Youngjae thinks their particular habits when it comes to targeting houses and families is new. It’s a very turned wolf thing, lingering grudges and lingering anger, it’s not that unusual to have to protect a house like this. A werewolf is either quick and efficient, never giving Youngjae the chance to be called, or a werewolf is slow and methodical. Increasingly, they have been slow. Youngjae’s family was killed very quickly, the werewolf impulsive and hitting the first house it found.

This werewolf has been howling outside the house for days, has been scaring the animals and threatening the people inside. They have felt trapped for days, and it is culminating in tonight, where the werewolf had scratched down the backdoor and snapped one of the parent’s arm in between its jaws. They’re all still alive, but the escalation has scared them.

Patterns are difficult in turned wolves, they do typically do this sort of thing, but there is no way to tell when they have finished their fun and want to get on with acting out their anger. Youngjae isn’t convinced that the werewolf is coming back for more, but he will sooth their fear by acting as a protector.

It’s another couple hours later, Youngjae sitting in the shadows of the house, eyes scanning the forest along the back of the house, that he hears it.

The stomping of the wolf, the snap of branches that says it’s walking upright.

Youngjae holds his breath, stays as still as possible, watches the wolf walk out into the backyard. It’s all black, not very unique of a coloring and signifying that it’s not from this area.

When it begins towards the backdoor, Youngjae steps out of the shadows and into the orange cone of light on the ground before the porch from the floodlight over the door.

Youngjae is scared. He will admit it. But the adrenaline that pumped through him at the sounds of the werewolf in the forest stills his trembling, narrows his focus, curls his lip in a mock snarl.

Turned wolves will never stop being grotesque to Youngjae, so awkward in their skin and stance, so awkward in their shape. Where born wolves (Daehyun, his brain supplies) are beautiful, turned wolves are so, so unnatural.

This wolf pauses when Youngjae steps out, growls low in it’s throat and lowers into a fighting stance.

Never make the first move, Himchan’s voice echoes in Youngjae’s head.

The fight is rough, Youngjae fighting with only his small, wolfsbane-less knife.

The wolf is new though, Youngjae can tell in how it can’t seem to fully control itself. After it charges him, Youngjae dodges and slices out, slashes a long cut down the wolf’s back.

It howls, spins to strike back, but Youngjae is already rolling out of the way. The wolf is now inbetween the house and Youngjae, but Youngjae is standing again and beckoning the wolf, can see the challenge being taken up in it’s eyes.

When he charges again, Youngjae steps just to the side and sticks his foot out, wants to see just how new this wolf is. It trips, falls for possibly the easiest trap Youngjae has ever set out, lands right on it’s face. It’s almost comical, if Youngjae wasn’t so pumped up on adrenaline he might have laughed.

The wolf has no real control, it’s obvious, is new enough to not have a hold of how to use the awkward length of body it has now. Youngjae gets a couple more deep cuts in, and when he manages to topple the wolf over again he jumps on it, sticks the knife close to its neck and says, “get out of this city and you can live.”

The wolf has its ears back, its snout is open and its tongue is lolled out, and the werewolf breath on Youngjae’s face is making him nauseous. He’s barely gotten the words out when the wolf cringes, and then Youngjae gets toppled off of it when its bones start shifting, face cracking back into a human shape and body gluing back into the form of a human.

He’s never seen a shift like this, most werewolves know better than to fight in human form, and he has to swallow the bile that rises in his throat at the horrific sounds of bones snapping back into place and the way the man-wolf is keening in pain from the shift.

Before he can even prepare himself, the man on the ground lunges at him, sinks teeth into the space between his shirt and neck, the meat connecting his neck and shoulder. Youngjae shouts now, struggles to get the madman off him, his knife dropped out of his sight into the dark grass when he was tackled. Youngjae is wriggling hard, trying to jostle the grip of teeth off him and the weight of the man from pinning him down. When the man loses the grip, nearly taking a chunk off Youngjae, he switches to choking him, hands crushing down on Youngjae’s windpipe.

It’s maybe a few seconds, Youngjae bucking to get the (it turns out larger,) man off him, when another wolf barges into the yard. Youngjae is too focused on the man above him to observe the other wolf, but he hears the running through the forest, hears the bark and then growl, hears it coming towards them. He’s gaping his mouth now like a fish out of water, trying to gasp in a breath, and then the other wolf knocks the man off him hard, Youngjae gasping in a breath through his sore throat and turning his head just enough to see the achingly familiar grey wolf bite through the man’s throat.

He turns his head to look at the sky now, blinks blankly at the stars.

Daehyun steps into his field of vision, looks as judging as any animal could possibly look.

“How did you find me?” Youngjae asks, closes his eyes instead of looking at the wolf that makes his heart hurt.

The press of a nose to the wound on his shoulder makes Youngjae wince, wonders if he was really so ripe that Daehyun could pick up on his scent from such a small wound. Maybe he’s just tuned to Youngjae, or he heard him shout, something like that.

When Youngjae ignores the prodding Daehyun is currently partaking in, he gets barked at, and it makes him sigh. Sitting up, he glares at the wolf looming over him.

“Shut up, just shut up.” He snaps, sweeps his gaze along the ground and crawls to pick up his knife. His throat hurts, and the bite on his shoulder is throbbing, but it’s nothing life threatening. It will be harder to pass off, but maybe he can just get by with a lecture about how to have safe rough sex. That would be easier than explaining this. Yes, Youngjae thinks he will go with that approach.

Daehyun follows him, lowers his body so he’s crawling awkwardly towards Youngjae. He would appreciate the attempt to show submission if he wasn’t still bitter, wasn’t gritting his teeth against his emotions.

“Don’t follow me,” Youngjae huffs, trips into the house, refuses to acknowledge how Daehyun’s appearance is shifting his feet out from under him again.

The family is awake, help him clean up the bite on his shoulder and thank him. They try to pay him, but he just smiles and waves them off, tells them to go find a hotel to stay at tonight. When they pile into their car and leave, Youngjae goes back to the backyard.

Jongup’s text makes sense now, makes Youngjae purse his lips and stand with his hands on his hips. Jongup must know what Youngjae is up to, which means Youngjae’s only biding his time until Junhong knows, and then once Junhong knows it’s all over for him.

Daehyun is still out here in wolf form, does his stupid crawl move to Youngjae’s feet and flops over. Shows his belly. It makes heat flare in Youngjae’s cheeks, how much Daehyun is submitting. It loosens something in his chest again, but Youngjae refuses to just give in. Side steps the prone wolf and wraps a hand around the dead werewolf’s wrist to start pulling him into the woods. Better he rot there than in this random family’s yard.

He gets barely two steps before Daehyun grabs onto the man’s ankle and pulls quicker than Youngjae, gets him back into the forest far enough to be satisfied. Youngjae had given up halfway, watched long enough for Daehyun to cross into the forest and then turned to start walking back home, can’t look at this damn wolf again.

Daehyun lets him go, Youngjae makes the walk back to the apartment fine, crashes onto the couch and pulls the blanket on the back over him without bothering to check the bedroom, closes his eyes and desperately tries to not think about Daehyun.

 

 

The next two times Youngjae goes out, one a simple patrol and the other him scaring off a werewolf from another family, Daehyun finds him.

The next four times after that, Daehyun also finds him. It’s infuriating, every time he sees that grey fur he wants to rip his hair out, wants to breakdown when he flops onto his back at Youngjae’s feet.

On his seventh trip out since the debacle in the backyard, Youngjae is just pacing the edge of the forest, trying to figure out what he needs to do when Daehyun’s head pokes out and looks at him.

Youngjae ignores him, as he has also done the last four times, and tries to think of what hot spot areas he should check. Yongguk glares a bit more suspiciously now when he leaves, he had to space out these trips to get him off his back, but he still hasn’t been caught. At least not by anyone besides Daehyun and possibly Jongup.

Daehyun trots out to him and paces with him, acts like his fucking dog or something, head turned to look at Youngjae as they go back and forth.

It’s infuriating.

Youngjae stops, turns slowly, and then lunges to throw a punch at Daehyun’s stupid wolf head.

Daehyun skitters away, barks at him and shows his teeth.

Youngjae had stumbled onto his knees when he missed the punch, feels the tears jar out of his eyes when he hits the ground. He can’t hold it together anymore, feels like his seams are ripping apart and all the things he was struggling to hold together are breaking apart. It’s embarrassing how hard he’s crying, his breath coming in gasps with the force of his crying, hands fisted in the grass and head bowed to try and get himself under control. Daehyun does his dumb crawl into Youngjae’s field of vision, his head so low to the ground so he can get it underneath Youngjae’s ducked head.

“Fuck _off_!” Youngjae shouts, pushes himself backwards and then back onto his feet, furiously wiping his eyes and trying to control his breathing. Feels the way his chest is squeezing painfully. He barely gets another step when Daehyun is pressing against his legs, nearly topples Youngjae back over, the wolf being big enough that he stops Youngjae’s progress forward. He’s making whiny noises in his throat, little rumbles of noise that only upsets Youngjae more.

Turning, Youngjae tries to stomp the other way, but Daehyun just weaves back to press against the front of his legs again.

“Stop it,” Youngjae snarls, has fingers in Daehyun’s fur again to try and push him away.

Daehyun tilts his head up towards Youngjae, ears back and teeth shown, stretching so his tongue flicks at Youngjae’s throat. It makes Youngjae jerk away again, so tired of this fucking dance where Daehyun shows his submission like it helps him somehow. His eyes blur miserably, and Youngjae ends up tripping on his own feet trying to backpedal away from Daehyun, is back on his ass on the ground.

It’s so embarrassing. He feels so terrible. All he can think about is how he had to restart completely, how he had no real friends that weren’t Daehyun and how Daehyun just left and Youngjae had to find new people, find people to be around. Thinks about how he couldn’t get himself to delete Daehyun’s number. Thinks about how Youngjae had been laying out in the hospital for two months, how he could have died there, how Daehyun would have missed it, how Daehyun couldn’t even find it in him to respond to Junhong. Thinks about how even with all of this, with the sadness he had to work to push away this whole time, the sting of being rejected, thinks about how he would forgive Daehyun so fast. How Daehyun has already sneaked his way back in his heart and he’s done nothing, done nothing besides roll on his back and look miserable himself.

He just sits there, sprawled on the ground, palms pressed against his eyes. Tries to control his breathing. He hears Daehyun getting close to him again, feels it when his gigantic wolf head is on his lap.

“If you really care,” Youngjae mutters, keeps his palms against his eyes, “you would shift and talk to me for real.”

The weight on his lap shifts around, and then leaves. Youngjae knows the sound of a shift now, though the cracks seem less terrible, and there are no grunts of pain. Overly warm fingers slide onto Youngjae’s cheeks then, knees pressed to his thigh and a forehead knocking against his own.

“You shouldn’t be hunting,” Daehyun murmurs, his voice so smooth and familiar that Youngjae almost starts crying again, feels the hitch in his chest and the way Daehyun’s breath blows across his lips and cheeks.

“Shut the fuck up,” Youngjae says, finally drops his hands from his eyes and opens his eyes to look into Daehyun’s.

It’s so jarring, to see Daehyun in his full human glory here, to see him after so long of not seeing him.

Youngjae has to bite his lip and close his eyes again to hold it together, and Daehyun is back to making his stupid whiny noises in his throat like he’s still in his wolf form.

Before Youngjae can say anything else, Daehyun clears his throat awkwardly, fingers squeezing Youngjae’s cheeks a little.

“I’m so sorry,” Daehyun says, his own voice thick like he’s trying not to cry. Youngjae opens his eyes, tries to avert them and realizes Daehyun is _naked_ and snaps them back onto the other man’s eyes.

“Everything is my fault,” Daehyun says, clears his throat again, “I’m trying to make amends but...”

He trails off, and his head tilts from where he still has his forehead against Youngjae’s, eyes sliding off to the side to look passed him.

“You were really stupid,” Youngjae mutters, and Daehyun’s nose wrinkles, but he huffs a laugh.

“You’re right,” he says, moves so he’s pressing kisses to Youngjae’s cheek, nuzzling like he’s in wolf form.

“Wait,” Youngjae says, pulls his head back (keeps his eyes locked onto Daehyun’s), “You really hurt me, you know.”

Daehyun nods, his eyes falling to Youngjae’s lap, fingers dropped from Youngjae’s face and twisting together anxiously.

“You didn’t even see me in the hospital,” Youngjae hisses, feels the anger bubble up through the other emotions.

Daehyun nods again, and Youngjae think if he was in wolf form he would be baring his stomach again, legs tucked close to himself and teeth shown.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Youngjae asks, his own hands fisted and shoulders tense.

“I thought you would hate me,” Daehyun whispers, forces Youngjae to lean in to hear him properly. “I am everything you hate and everything you fought against, I was just so scared. I preferred not knowing to the chance of you hating me for being what I am.”

Youngjae sighs, lets his shoulders droop. “You’re such an idiot, Jung Daehyun. I love you for you, and if you think me learning this about you would change how I felt about you, then you never knew me well enough.”

It’s hard to see Daehyun’s face, because he has it tilted down so much, but Youngjae can hear him sniffle.

“Maybe if you had talked to me, actually talked to me, we could have avoided everything,” Youngjae says slowly, one of his hands on Daehyun’s bare knee. Daehyun sniffles louder then, and he lunges forward suddenly, arms wrapping around Youngjae’s neck and his weight forcing Youngjae to toss one of his arms out to hold them up.

“I’m so sorry,” Daehyun wails again, pressing his snotty nose against Youngjae’s neck. “If I wasn’t such an idiot you wouldn’t have almost died and we would be happy and...and things would be so much better than they are now.”

Youngjae snorts a little, squeezes the arm around Daehyun’s back (and studiously ignores the way Daehyun is naked and pressed against him) and hums a little to try and make the other man calm down.

“You don’t know the future Daehyun, I was headed down a path of destruction anyway, and maybe we needed this wake up call to communicate better.” Youngjae says, even though he knows logically he’s probably writing off too much of his own and Daehyun’s behavior.

They both could have done better, he thinks. Daehyun should have trusted him, should have known that Youngjae had real feelings for him, had felt so devoted. But, maybe Youngjae should have been better about talking also. Maybe if Youngjae had been more openly expressive Daehyun could have trusted him, or something. It’s a lot for Youngjae to process, a lot for Youngjae to mull over. There’s still anger in his chest, but he feels better, feels more whole with Daehyun in his arms. They have always felt like two pieces of a puzzle, useful together and useless apart, and he thinks it was bound to happen like this. Thinks of how Jongup had made sure to tell Youngjae when Daehyun would be back, thinks of how Daehyun had slinked into his space and endeared himself as usual.

With a sigh, Youngjae lowers them to the ground, Daehyun half on top of him, wraps his other arm around Daehyun’s back. It’s a bit too intimate for their setting, mostly because of Daehyun being naked, but Youngjae revels in the warmth, in the weight and smell of Daehyun. Likes feeling him over him and being able to touch him.

“To be fair,” Youngjae says a little too loudly, “I was an idiot for not realizing what you are.”

Daehyun snorts, pushes himself up a little by his elbows on either side of Youngjae’s head. “I really, really missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Youngjae sighs, hooks an arm around Daehyun’s neck and pulls him down until their lips brush barely, Daehyun’s eyes already closed. “Don’t ignore me any longer.”

They stay out for a little longer, until Daehyun asks him to come back to his house. He has to shift back into a wolf and meet Youngjae there, because he can’t just walk through the city naked, but it makes the walk a little easier for Youngjae. Gives him time to think and decide and think some more, figure that maybe they all just needed to grow up. That Daehyun did hurt him, but if he was Daehyun, maybe he would have been scared of his own reaction also. It’s such an easy decision, that Youngjae almost feels like he’s making the wrong decision, but he can’t keep himself from Daehyun. Feels the pull towards the other man again, feels the emptiness of missing him.

He figures, why not? Why not give him another chance?

 

 

Youngjae ends up coming back to the apartment Sunday night, spending all of Saturday at Daehyun’s. His family used to always feel like a second family for Youngjae, and he missed them as much as he missed Daehyun. Things were awkward at first, until Youngjae finally clarified that he didn’t care that they were werewolves, and things had slid back into normalcy.

He hadn’t really sent any texts, but he hadn’t gotten any either, so he figured things would be fine. It was a bit out of character of Yongguk and Himchan to not text him at all, but he’s really hoping they just decided to give him some space.

When he punches in the code to the front door and opens it though, he knows immediately his hopes were wrong.

Yongguk and Himchan are both at the table tucked against the wall near the kitchen, both turn to glare at him when he steps in.

“Where were you?” Himchan says, sounds distressingly calm for Youngjae.

“With someone,” Youngjae answers slowly, kicks his shoes off and takes a hesitant step towards them.

“Who?” Yongguk asks, eyes narrowed.

“Um,” Youngjae says intelligently, feels his cheeks flush and doesn’t want to tell them he’s been with Daehyun. Isn’t ready to hear what they have to say about that. “None of your business?”

Himchan sighs, closes his eyes and then turns to Yongguk, like he’s asking him to take over.

“Jongup told us you’ve been hunting again.” Yongguk says blandly, lifelessly.

“No,” Youngjae says quickly, feels his shoulders rise defensively.

Himchan sighs, again, and turns back to Youngjae. “You’re smarter than this.”

“I’m not hunting,” Youngjae repeats, and he’s definitely speaking before thinking, but he feels the need to defend himself.

“Jongup wouldn’t lie to us,” Yongguk says, and Youngjae crosses his arms petulantly over his chest.

“I obviously haven’t been hunting for three days straight,” Youngjae says.

“Stop,” Himchan says, rubs his forehead agitatedly. “Can you please just do something good for yourself.”

“Why can’t you guys just trust me?” Youngjae asks, his fists balled where they are crossed over his chest.

“You almost died! Twice!” Yongguk bursts, raises his voice in a way Youngjae has so rarely experienced that he jumps. “Hunting does nothing good for you! You just go and go and go until you’re about to die!”

Youngjae’s eyes narrow. “I’m not hunting like that.”

Himchan scoffs, rolls his eyes. “Oh, but you are hunting now? I thought you weren’t?”

“I’m only hunting because you won’t tell me what you’re doing and then you don’t answer your phone and people call _me_ instead!” Youngjae nearly shouts, waves his arms around.

“This is my city too, this is where I’ve lived all my life! You’re the one who taught me how to do this!” Youngjae is just saying whatever now, is secretly very perturbed that they have teamed up against him now. “I’m an adult, and you all said you would stop the secrets. I _know_ hunting is dangerous, I _know_ what I’m doing. But you two keep being secretive about hunting like even mentioning it was going to suck me back in! Maybe I’m always supposed to hunt. That’s all I know how to do!”

“Don’t turn this on us,” Himchan snaps, cuts Youngjae’s sentence for him. “You are an adult, it’s your choice, you could have chosen not to. You should listen to what we have been telling you.”

“How are you able to just ignore everything we have been saying to you?” Yongguk asks quietly, his voice back to his normal level, lower than both Himchan and Youngjae.

Youngjae wants to stomp his foot childishly, wants to throw a tantrum or something. This is so annoying, so stupid.

“How do you think Junhong feels?” Himchan asks acidly, and Youngjae really wants to fight him.

“Shut up,” Youngjae mutters, stares at the ground and tries to relax his tense shoulders and tight fists.

“Where have you been this weekend?” Yongguk tries again.

“I told you,” Youngjae snarls at the floor. “I was with someone.”

“Who?” Himchan asks, echoing Yongguk from before.

“It’s my fucking life,” Youngjae says. “I was just with someone.”

“Youngjae,” Yongguk says in his dad voice again. Oh, Youngjae has the urge to ruin everything, to say things he shouldn’t. The words are in his throat, they want out.

“I’m not staying here tonight,” he blurts instead, turns on his heel and leaves before they can say anything else to him. It’s pathetic how quickly he runs down the stairs, out of the apartment block and down the street. He makes sure they aren’t following, and then tries to figure out where he’s going.

He ends up outside the orphanage, scrambling up the trashcans outside and onto the piece of roof on the lower level. Knocks lightly at the third window over.

It takes a few minutes of knocking, but Junhong’s bedraggled head eventually blinks at him through the window. He smiles a little at the teen, pouts until he finally relents and opens the window.

Junhong shares the room with others, but he hadn’t woke any of them up with his knocking, so he counts it as a win. Junhong goes back to his bed and curls up with his back to where Youngjae is standing. Ugh.

Youngjae curls into his bed, locks an arm around Junhong’s waist and presses his forehead to his neck. Junhong wiggles his shoulders annoyingly, and Youngjae whines to get him to stop.

They can’t really talk now, don’t want to wake his roommates up, but Youngjae whispers, “I’m sorry,” to Junhong anyway. With a sigh, Junhong turns over, lets Youngjae scoot closer to bury his face in Junhong’s chest. It’s comforting, being with him like this, thinks maybe he’s been too distant with Junhong recently.

Youngjae’s phone alarm wakes him up distressingly early, and he has to scramble to silence it to try and avoid waking up everyone in the room. He’s somehow become the little spoon, Junhong drooling on his neck and an arm locked around his waist. The time is telling Youngjae that he needs to leave _now_ , because his work is further from here than the apartment and he probably should have woken up twenty-five minutes earlier if he wanted to have time before making the walk there. He has a spare change of work clothes there, thankfully, so he just pulls out of Junhong’s grasp, ignores the mumbled complaint and heads back out the window.

There’s some text messages from Yongguk and Himchan, but he doesn’t want to deal with them, ignores them instead. Daehyun sent him smiley faces at some point last night, and that’s enough to give Youngjae the energy to fake being happy.

About eight hours later, Youngjae is standing under the cold shower at work and trying to figure out what to do. He only has his work clothes and his clothes that he has been wearing since Friday. There’s a text on his phone from Daehyun asking him to come over, and more texts that he’s ignoring from his faux-parents.

He ends up dressing back in the clothes he came in, calls Junhong’s number.

“Hello,” Junhong answers after two rings.

“Where are you?” Youngjae asks, sits on the bench in front of his locker.

“At the apartment,” because of course he is.

“Wanna get an early dinner with me?”

Long pause, Junhong probably wondering if it’s worth it. “Who pays?”

“Me,” Youngjae snorts, as expected of Junhong.

“Sure, text me where.” Junhong grins over the line, Youngjae feeling a smile on his face just from the others voice.

They meet at a small diner that’s halfway between Youngjae’s work and the apartment, Youngjae arriving first and getting a booth in the back. When Junhong gets there, he slids in across from Youngjae and smiles at him.

“Price range?” Junhong asks, picking up the menu.

“Just be reasonable,” Youngjae answers, rolls his eyes.

They sit in silence for a little, not uncomfortable, just both of them doing things on their phones while they wait for their food. Youngjae’s texting Daehyun back, agreeing to come over later tonight. Still ignoring his other texts.

When they get their food, Youngjae taps the table a little nervously, chooses his words carefully. “I have to tell you something.”

Junhong chews his food extra loud. “What, that you’re hunting again?”

“No,” Youngjae groans, rubs his temple with one hand. “Jongup already told you about that, I have something else to tell you.”

Junhong looks curious now, and Youngjae swallows hard. He wasn’t really ready for this talk, he thinks, but he wants to tell someone.

“I’m talking to Daehyun again,” Youngjae says, stuffs his food in his mouth right after.

Junhong opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again. Takes a second to frown at the table. “And?”

“And we are...a thing again.” Youngjae mumbles around his mouthful. Junhong nods slowly, and they eat in silence for a few minutes.

“He’s OK with you hunting?” Junhong asks finally.

“Well,” Youngjae pauses, “not really. That’s how we finally reconnected.”

“You tried to hunt him?” Junhong exclaims a little too loud, Youngjae hushing him and glancing around the diner.

“No,” Youngjae snaps. “He was stopping me from hunting, and then when I just did it anyway he decided to tag along with me.”

Junhong nods, purses his lips. “Good for you then, you both need each other.”

“What’s that mean?” Youngjae pouts, reaches to grab Junhong’s hand to squeeze.

“You’re both idiots,” Junhong says seriously, “but together you make a functional human.”

Youngjae really tries to hold it in, he presses his lips together hard, but he still ends up laughing, loud enough to draw looks and make Junhong kick his shin.

“I’m still mad at him,” Junhong says on their way out. “But if you are happy and have forgiven him, then all he needs to do is grovel a _little_ to me and I’ll let it go.”

Youngjae wraps an arm around Junhong’s neck to pull him down. Smooshes their cheeks together and mumbles I love you’s to him. Junhong laughs, pinches Youngjae’s sides.

“Are you going to keep hunting?” Junhong asks before they part for the night.

Youngjae sighs, feels his shoulders slump. “Maybe only if people call me again.”

This makes Junhong smile at him, “just take Daehyun with you when you do.”

 

 

Daehyun bites the scar on his shoulder with blunt teeth, makes Youngjae flinch because it’s not fully healed and still aches a little. “Gross,” Youngjae mutters, tries to roll away from him.

He gets ignored, the arm around his waist keeping him pressed back against Daehyun’s chest. After a few more seconds of Daehyun grossly using him as a chew toy, Daehyun sighs and kisses his neck instead. “Maybe you should see what they texted you?”

Youngjae’s phone had just lit up, another text from Yongguk, and it makes Youngjae sigh, turns his head enough to bury it into Daehyun’s pillow.

Daehyun leans further onto him, reaches with the arm around him for the phone on the floor, ends up pressing Youngjae facedown into the bed before he finally grabs it.

He knows his passcode, because of course he does, and he thumbs through Youngjae’s messages.

“It’s not bad,” Daehyun says, finally rolls enough to get off Youngjae’s back.

“I don’t want to know yet,” Youngjae whines into the pillow, still facedown on the bed.

“Youngjae,” Daehyun says, packs as much judgement as he can into it.

Ugh. He finally rolls over and grabs the phone Daehyun is offering him. Yongguk and Himchan don’t bother apologizing in their texts, and Youngjae hates that. Even if the voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like Jongup tells him they have nothing to apologize over. They just ask him to come back home, that they want to talk to him. He really, really doesn’t want to talk, sighs and stares at Daehyun’s ceiling.

“You’re being a baby,” Daehyun grumbles, pokes Youngjae’s side hard.

“Shut up,” he mutters back, moves to try to avoid the finger poking him and gets rewarded with a pinch on his stomach instead.

Eventually, Daehyun gets bored and leans over Youngjae, presses a hard kiss to his mouth and bites his bottom lip a bit too roughly, Youngjae whining at the pain.

Then, he flops onto his back and spreads his limbs out, his arm and leg pushing Youngjae straight off the bed.

“I think you should go talk to them,” Daehyun sings, continues taking up the whole bed. Youngjae glares at him from the floor and finally relents. He’s wearing some of Daehyun’s clothes now, a pair of jeans that are way too tight on Daehyun but fit fine on Youngjae and a sweatshirt a couple sizes too big for the both of them. They’re both fairly nondescript, so Youngjae doesn’t bother worrying if Himchan and Yongguk will figure out where he has been. Daehyun offers him a ride, but Youngjae declines, kisses him at the door and ignores the way Daehyun’s sister groans with annoyance at them.

 

 

Himchan opens the door before Youngjae can punch in the code, hugs him tight enough to make his back crack and drags him in the door.

“You’re an idiot, Youngjae. If you would just let us talk like humans,” Himchan is ranting, and Yongguk makes an annoyed noise from the sofa, waves them over.

“Shut up, Himchan,” Yongguk says, pulls Youngjae down to sit on the couch, Himchan narrowly avoids sitting on Yongguk by falling to the other side of him, lands with a light oof.

“I don’t think it’s fair you two can gang up on me now,” Youngjae says loudly, squirms away from Yongguk’s hands on his arm.

“Yes,” Yongguk says, “it’s a little unfair. Life’s unfair though, so suck it up.”

Youngjae pouts at them, looks at the ground.

“We don’t want you to hunt,” Himchan says softly, breathes through his next sentence slowly. “We don’t think it’s too much of us to ask you to not hunt, and if we’re suspicious then...aren’t we right to be?”

Which is, well, correct. Youngjae has been suspicious, he knows he has been.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but calls are getting back to me,” Youngjae says. “I’ve never been able to turn down a call. And I was suspicious of why you were out so much, so I started going through the forest again. It really hasn’t been that much. I swear.”

Yongguk makes a noise in his throat, nods at Youngjae, reaches back out for him.

“I’ve been trying to convince the pack to expand their territory and patrol a bit more to cut down on the work load,” Himchan admits, pops his fingers anxiously. “It’s been taking a lot of time, I didn’t realize it was making calls come back to you.” He sounds upset, and Youngjae sighs.

“Don’t feel bad,” Youngjae says. “Daehyun followed me around each time I went out.”

That gets their attention.

“Daehyun?” Yongguk repeats back, eyes narrowed at Youngjae.

“Yes,” he says, “he kept trying to stop me from hunting.”

Himchan’s eyes are also narrowed, looking very hard at Youngjae.

“Is that who you were with this weekend, then?” Himchan asks, no longer popping his knuckles but fisting his hands in his lap.

“Um,” Youngjae stalls, “yes?”

Yongguk and Himchan look at each other, communicate with their eyes or something because Himchan keeps widening and narrowing his own at Yongguk.

“That’s...nice,” Yongguk finally says. Turns back to Youngjae and smiles a little too forced.

“We talked a lot about what happened,” Youngjae decides to offer, feels the irrational urge to defend Daehyun. “We’re getting better.”

Himchan nods, presses his lips together and keeps whatever judgement he has in his head. Youngjae can accept that, sometimes got the impression Himchan hadn’t really approved of Daehyun back before, so it’s no surprise he’s not that happy now also.

Youngjae’s never been great at getting approval anyway, so he doesn’t dwell on it. Lets Yongguk pull him into one of his rare hugs, lets Himchan press a sloppy kiss to his cheek. They don’t talk about hunting again, but Youngjae thinks he can figure that one out later.

 

 

Three blissfully peaceful weeks later, Himchan goes missing.

Youngjae doesn’t know at first, is buried under Daehyun’s blankets and trying not to think about how Daehyun has to leave to go back to college soon.

It’s the next morning, when Yongguk calls him four times in a row, that Youngjae is made aware.

 _Sure, Himchan has spent absurd amounts of time out,_ Yongguk says into the phone, _but he always texts me with updates, he always answers when I call._

“I’ll try and talk to Jongup,” Youngjae mumbles, trying to step into yesterday’s jeans as quickly as possible while cradling the phone between his ear and shoulder. Daehyun is blinking at him, not fully awake and not fully processing.

“I haven’t told Junhong yet,” Yongguk says, sounds like he’s asking Youngjae something.

“We can wait on that,” Youngjae answers, lets Yongguk breath a sigh of relief.

“Did he say what he was doing last night?” Youngjae asks, pulls the phone away from his ear for a second to yank his shirt on. Daehyun is sitting up now, fingers helpfully pulling Youngjae’s jeans up further on his hips and pulling his zipper up and closing the button.

“Not really,” Yongguk mutters, sounds muffled like he left the phone on speaker and stepped away to do something.

“Any clue of what he’s been doing then? Where he could be?”

Yongguk huffs, Youngjae can imagine him rubbing his forehead. “He’s been going to the forest to the west of the city. Said something about increased traffic or something.”

That’s interesting. Youngjae frowns down at his toes, Daehyun is plucking at some of the fuzzies on Youngjae’s shirt from the rug on his floor, and Youngjae just feels a little lost.

“I’m going to talk to Jongup and then I’ll check out that area,” Youngjae says eventually into the phone, tries to draw up a picture of how that forest had looked the last time he had been in it.

“Take Daehyun with you when you go out there,” Yongguk says, and the little quiver in his voice makes Youngjae’s heart hurt, makes his palms sweat. Daehyun perks at the sound of his name crackling over the line.

“We’ll see,” Youngjae says, runs fingers through Daehyun’s hair to watch him lean into his palm.

He tells Jongup he’s coming, doesn’t bring Daehyun with him. Jongup gets annoyed by Daehyun’s nervous energy, Youngjae has enough in him right now that adding Daehyun’s might make Jongup too irritable to help him. He loves being cryptic enough as it is, Youngjae’s too keyed up to play whatever games Jongup feels like.

It’s not Jongup’s fault, exactly, magic has always been wily, but it’s easier to blame Jongup than blame the magic pumping around them and molding their lives.

When he arrives at the front door, Jongup has the door open for him already.

“The magic has been strong, recently,” Jongup says, leads Youngjae quietly into his spell room in the Moon family’s basement.

“It has?” Youngjae indulges, confused, but Jongup doesn’t ever say anything besides what he thinks you need to hear.

Jongup hums, sits at the low table in the middle of the floor, the candles he lights on the table are all red, all the same deep red that makes something in Youngjae’s gut tug. He feels like he’s on the verge of realizing something.

Jongup is sharper today, his eyes a little brighter, his skin glowing. The magic really is strong then, and it’s even more here in his spell room. It’s hazy, makes Youngjae feel like he’s stepped in another world. Jongup holds power here, can make Youngjae see and feel how he wants.

“Why?” Youngjae finally asks, feels like he’s forgotten why he came here and is wandering where Jongup wants to take him.

“You sleep with a werewolf and don’t even keep track of the moon?” Jongup smiles at him, an immediate flush crawling up Youngjae’s neck, but he just narrows his eyes at the mage across from him.

It feels like the temperature is rising, and Youngjae can’t pull his eyes away from Jongup.

Can only see the way Jongup’s hair is silver, flopping carefully over his forehead. Wasn’t it brown when they came in? Youngjae can’t remember, looks at the way Jongup’s eyes are playfully sparkly, feels like he can see the magic in those eyes.

“It’s a super moon soon,” Jongup is smoothing a map out on the table, Youngjae still hasn’t looked down from his face. “The magic is excited for this one.”

“Why?” Youngjae repeats, wants answers. Jongup looks back up again, the smirk on his face showing just the hint of teeth.

“Magic has its secrets also,” Jongup murmurs, and runs his hand down Youngjae’s arm, pulls energy off of him. His heart stutters in his chest a little, makes Youngjae’s breath quicken.

“I don’t understand,” Youngjae says, finally looks down at the map. The red wax of the candles are dripping onto the expensive purple tablecloth and crawling to the map. Jongup’s hand is hovering over it, a little crease in his brow. Looking now, Youngjae can see it for what it is. It’s a map of the city, but far back so to see the full scope of the forest.

“Think a little harder,” Jongup complains, always gets angry when you can’t figure out what he’s saying. “You know what I’m telling you.”

 

 

Candles, deeper than blood red.

Magic pulsing, feeling full of life, drawing energy from the moon drawing closer and closer.

Red like blood, if it has sat.

The magic is excited.

_Don’t you know the moon phases?_

 

 

“Oh,” Youngjae gasps, nearly tears the map when he has to grip the table to keep himself steady.

Jongup is pleased with him, the magic caresses Youngjae’s cheeks appreciatively and curls heavy on his shoulders.

There’s panic crawling up Youngjae’s throat, his knuckles white where he’s gripping the table.

“Shh,” Jongup murmurs, the magic swirling around Youngjae in what is most likely Jongup’s attempts to calm. “I’m helping you, just listen.”

The deep red of the wax has made it to the map, Jongup’s fingers swirling in the air above the parchment, Youngjae wishes he wasn’t gasping for breath.

He feels lightheaded, but Jongup is focused and leaves Youngjae to his own devices as the wax bubbles and slides to areas on the map.

“How do you know,” Youngjae gets out, knows Jongup (no, _Magic_ ) hates questions.

“I do not like my magic being used like this,” Jongup growls, and Youngjae hears the power in the younger boy’s voice, hears the echo of anger in the room. “It has not been approved, it will be ended.”

There’s certainty there, but Jongup is not doing it himself.

Youngjae is here, watching the wax settle on the map.

“I’m not omniscient,” Jongup says loudly, forces Youngjae to listen. “But magic bends to me and I will give you the clues you need.”

Youngjae nods quickly, feels the way the air shakes, the power of a binding promise sealing. They haven’t even spoken of the promise, but Youngjae knows what it is. Feels magic fill his lungs in a way it hasn’t in a long time.

“You have always been our soldier,” Jongup says, but he doesn’t sound like himself. This is his predecessors talking, Youngjae thinks, the old magic swelling and pressing until Jongup let it take over. “We need you to do something for us again.”

 

 

Youngjae can feel the magic lick over his skin. Remembers the way the magic had asked him, back when he was just learning how to hunt, to keep the city safe. Asked him to answer all the calls for help he hears. He is never done with that, has never fulfilled all that magic has asked him. But it’s fond for him, why Jongup would enable him for so long, why Jongup allowed the old magic to push into Youngjae at times. How Jongup always knows what Youngjae is doing, feeling, thinking.

Why Youngjae is a magnet for trouble, why calls somehow find their way to Youngjae’s phone even when it’s dead. Why Youngjae has survived time and time again on the brink of death.

He thinks the magic is happy that he has been such a good little follower, how Jongup could know he was hunting again, the way the magic pulses happily from his connection with Youngjae when he’s following what it says.

The city is attractive to wolves because of how much magic it has.

Jongup is powerful beyond words, but he is nearly invisible to anybody who doesn’t know him or feels the magic correctly.

It’s all his, now that he has taken the mantle of Mage of the City, he is its conduit.

Youngjae met him before Junhong met him.

Youngjae met him because his feet led him to Jongup’s door and into the basement spellroom and Jongup’s old magic had asked him for a favor.

Jongup is also fond of Youngjae.

 

 

❖❖❖

 

 

Jongup’s hair is brown when he pushes Youngjae into Daehyun’s open arms.

“Daehyun,” Jongup says bluntly, he looks tired now, and Youngjae is clutching onto Daehyun to keep standing.

“Jongup,” Daehyun says back, but he’s not paying attention. He’s trying to push Youngjae back enough to see his face.

“Stay safe,” Jongup parts with, leaves Daehyun and Youngjae on Daehyun’s front step and walks down the street back home.

Yongguk is calling, Youngjae’s phone ringing annoyingly. Youngjae isn’t all the way present yet still, has fingers digging into Daehyun’s shoulders as the other man drags him up the stairs to his room. Ignores the looks they’re getting from one of his siblings in the living room.

After two more missed calls, Youngjae staring blankly at the ceiling and not moving, Daehyun answers the phone.

“Hello?”

“Young--, um, Daehyun?” Yongguk hesitates, hard.

“Uh, yeah,” Daehyun says, hadn’t really thought this through when he accepted the call. “It’s Daehyun.”

“Where’s Youngjae?” Yongguk digs, and Daehyun tries to not notice how strained Yongguk’s voice is.

Daehyun sits on the edge of the bed, tries to pinch Youngjae out of whatever stupor Jongup has him in. “He’s at my house, he just got dropped off by Jongup.”

“Why didn’t he answer?” Yongguk’s voice is sharper now. “Put him on the phone.”

Youngjae’s eyes blink a few times when Daehyun waves a hand in front of his eyes. “He’s not all here right now,” Daehyun mutters, confused, trying to figure out what’s with him. “I think he’s in a daze or something.”

Yongguk sighs heavily over the line. “He’s always been receptive to magic, Jongup probably did something and now Youngjae’s body is coming back down. I used to have this problem if I used too much magic when healing him, give him some time.”

“OK,” Daehyun says, falls easily into following orders.

“Daehyun,” Yongguk says.

“Yes?”

Long, long pause.

“Nevermind.”

 

 

Youngjae doesn’t come around for another day. Yongguk had even showed up on Daehyun’s doorstep, panicked and worried. But Youngjae had so much magic in him that Yongguk hadn’t wanted to touch him, accidentally flare more magic. When he wakes up, he’s panicking.

It’s the middle of the night.

Daehyun is restless because it’s getting closer to the full moon, he’s restless because the magic is thrumming under his skin, asking to be let out in the form of the shift.

Youngjae gasps awake, gropes blindly at the sheets before heaving over the side of the bed and vomiting on Daehyun’s fuzzy rug.

“Aw, man,” Daehyun groans, sits up from where he had been playing on his phone next to Youngjae. The other man is coughing now, body shaking. Daehyun smooths a single palm down his back, feels the knobs of his spine under his hand. Daehyun can’t stop focusing on the little details.

“We have to go,” Youngjae mumbles around the hand he has pressed to his mouth.

“Let me clean the floor first,” Daehyun rushes, jumps over the hunter in his bed and rushes to grab some towels from the hall closet. He’s not particularly quiet about it, can hear the groan from downstairs that signifies one of his siblings has been woken up in their room from his clamoring. Oh, well.

Youngjae is sitting up when Daehyun comes back in, and he looks better. His eyes aren’t quite right, which makes Daehyun hesitate, but Youngjae reaches for his phone and immediately calls Yongguk.

It’s a little annoying, that Daehyun is cleaning his vomit and not even getting a sympathetic look, but Youngjae’s going through a lot right now, so he will let him have it.

Daehyun tunes out the call a little, until Youngjae says, “They’re going to try and turn him,” and then he’s bristling, feels the way the wolf rattles inside him angrily.

Yongguk makes a shocked noise over the phone, Youngjae keeps talking before Yongguk can speak. “I have to check ritual spots to see where the sacrifices have begun.”

Yongguk says, “take Daehyun with you.”

Youngjae makes eye contact with Daehyun. “Yes.”

 

 

“How long until the full moon?” Youngjae asks as they stomp through the underbrush. There’s no point in being quiet, Daehyun can hear everything near them and there are no other wolves.

“Twelve hours or so,” Daehyun answers, follows where Youngjae is leading. He’s not even using a map, which Daehyun finds impressive.

He’s reminded of how Youngjae was when he first started hunting, the easy confidence, the determination, the sharpness.

Youngjae had told Daehyun that he had been confused why Himchan would be in the forest to the west of the city, because that wasn’t where any of the wolves usually went. Daehyun had shrugged, unhelpful, because he really doesn’t know. The shorter man narrows his eyes at Daehyun, and he doesn’t think he’s wrong to read it as suspicion.

It makes sense, actually, that the pack could be involved. Daehyun wouldn’t know. He’s the omega, never goes out on runs, never spends time with the pack. He should, maybe he would stop being the lowest ranking member, but he sometimes feels he’s better suited to life as a human. Youngjae had always been the one who convinced him of that, but Daehyun had always been the newest and weakest and most foreign to this pack, so he was always the omega. It’s fine, really, he doesn’t feel the sting. Maybe if he was more wolf he would.

The first two ritual spots they find, where the magic is so strong Daehyun lingers at the edge so he doesn’t accidentally shift, there are no signs of use. They’re both in pack territory, and Daehyun is more on edge the more time they spend in this section of the western forest.

The next one is further up north in the western part of the woods. Daehyun can feel it once they step outside of pack territory, rolls his shoulders back and walks with more confidence.

“I think it’s this one,” Daehyun murmurs against Youngjae’s ear, wrinkles his nose against the smell of rotten food and death. It’s still fairly far, Youngjae won’t notice anything amiss for another ten minutes of walking. It’s the middle of the night, the night before the full moon, so Daehyun doesn’t really know what they can do, but he shuffles closer to the hunter, a hand hovering at his lower back. If Youngjae is getting annoyed with him for walking too close he hasn’t showed it yet, so Daehyun does nothing to stop himself from being close.

The magic is definitely stronger here, Daehyun slowing a bit before they have even seen the ritual spot, magic picking at his skin and canines lengthening without his input.

Youngjae turns a little when Daehyun slows, raises his eyebrows in question.

“The magic is really strong,” Daehyun explains, comes out with a lisp around his canines.

Youngjae bites his lip, “maybe you should shift.”

Daehyun wrinkles his nose, shakes his head. “I’d rather be able to talk, there’s no one there.”

Youngjae nods once, but he reaches back and wraps fingers around Daehyun’s wrist. The touch soothes something that had been tight in Daehyun’s chest before now, and releases some of the tension he was holding.

The ritual site has definitely begun the process of a turning. Daehyun’s pack doesn’t believe in turnings, something about it ruining the bloodline, so he really doesn’t know anything about it. It’s all very magical, involves some chanting and a well-placed bite and sacrifices to make the wolf take to the human. Magic fuels wolves, and so they must do elaborate things to make magic give someone a wolf.

It makes Daehyun nervous that no one is here. The magic is incredibly heavy here, and the spot in the middle of the clearing has a circle of candles spread large enough for someone to be laid. There are some animal carcasses littered around that circle and the outer rim of the entire ritual spot, Youngjae and Daehyun needing to step over some to get closer.

“What do we do?” Youngjae asks, and Daehyun doesn’t think it’s directed at him, the way Youngjae says it while looking at the candles.

He replies anyway, though: “I’m not sure.”

The magic really has his skin crawling, takes a lot of self control and effort to keep his claws in. He’s accepted his teeth as a lost cause, but he wants to at least remain mostly human. Youngjae has stepped away from him, circles the candles and eyes everything in the ritual spot.

“Maybe they’re coming back?” Daehyun offers, doesn’t move from his spot near the animal carcasses.

Youngjae looks hesitant to touch anything, but he finally uses his foot to tip over some of the candles. The magic squeals around them a bit, but remains rooted firmly over the circle.

“Don’t you know anything about these kinds of things?” Youngjae asks, wanders back over to Daehyun’s side.

“Turnings are bad for the bloodline,” Daehyun says sagely, nods his head once at the end of it. “It’s against our code.”

Youngjae mulls over that for a bit, pulls his phone out and calls someone.

“What do we do if we found the ritual site,” Youngjae asks, and Jongup hums over the line.

“Wait until the ritual starts and get it to stop.”

“What,” Youngjae says, loudly, disbelieving.

“What was confusing about that?”

“We can’t stop it now? Destroy the site or something?”

“Never,” Jongup says harshly, “destroy ritual sites. And the magic lingers. It’s been building for days or weeks now. You can’t just make it all leave now. The ritual site holds onto it. You have to stop the ritual and the magic will flow out on its own.”

Huffing, Youngjae hangs up.

He’s fuming, Daehyun can tell, frustrated because he can’t do anything.

“We can go to the other sites and make sure this really is the one,” Daehyun offers, and Youngjae rubs his eyes and nods. Leads the way out of the forest so they can check the ones in the eastern forest.

They’re on a bus to get to the eastern side of the city when Youngjae points an accusing finger at Daehyun’s chest.

“If this is your pack,” he says, “I will make you pay.”

Daehyun pouts, droops so he can press his forehead to Youngjae’s shoulder. “If it’s them then I’ll...” he can’t finish his thought. Doesn’t know what he will do. What if he becomes a lone wolf? He doesn’t much like the sound of that.

The other sites turn up empty. Daehyun doesn’t feel comfortable going back home, back to his home in the middle of pack territory and right next door to other members of the pack. They go back to the apartment instead, Yongguk jumping to his feet when they let themselves in.

“We found the site,” Youngjae says into the hug Yongguk draws him in. “We have to wait though, interrupt the ritual and end it.”

Yongguk nods, looks for a long time at Daehyun.

“I’m going to tell Junhong,” Yongguk says instead of saying something to Daehyun, wanders into the bedroom to call Junhong. Daehyun misses him, also misses when Yongguk liked him, logically he knows why Yongguk must be acting like this, but still. It stings a bit more than Daehyun would like.

Youngjae is too one track minded to notice, crashes onto the couch and beckons Daehyun over to him.

“Lets get some sleep,” Youngjae mutters, pulls Daehyun down on top of him and presses his lips to his jaw. “It’s early now, so I think we will be up before it but I’ll set an alarm for an hour before sundown.”

Daehyun nods, goes limp so he can slide between the back of the couch and Youngjae.

Youngjae falls asleep quicker than Daehyun, he still feels too antsy to sleep. Skin crawling because of the moon and the magic he stood in earlier. It’s easy to tune out the conversation Yongguk is having, focus instead on Youngjae’s slow inhale and exhale. That helps, makes his wolf be quiet.

 

 

When they are trying to leave, Yongguk insists on going with them.

“This is werewolf stuff,” Youngjae hesitates, “I’m a hunter and he’s a werewolf. You’re...”

“Oh, shut up,” Yongguk snaps, is pulling things out of his box of magical stuff that’s under the bed. “I’ve been around the block also.”

Daehyun stays out of it, remains in the living room while they argue in the bedroom.

He’s worried.

No wolves are in the western part of the forest except his pack members. He hadn’t smelled any other wolf at the site, too masked by the magic and dead animals. He doesn’t know what to do if his pack is part of this. He may be the omega, but they’re all he knows. Lone wolves get chased out of cities, how can he go back to college if he’s a lone wolf? He’s only tolerated in that other town because he is part of a pack here, not some loose cannon wolf.

Youngjae snaps his fingers in front of Daehyun’s eyes, raises his eyebrows in question like before. Daehyun just smiles at him, keeps his mouth closed.

Maybe he should call his parents.

It doesn’t matter, in the end. Because he’s trailing along with Youngjae and Yongguk through the forest again. He had tried to convince them to not wait out by the ritual site, because any werewolf would be able to smell and hear them long before stepping foot near them, but they waved him off. Said that they have to go to the site if they want the spell done, and if they don’t ever show then the power will be reduced anyway.

They’re at the site just as the sun goes down, sky still light and the moon not yet where it needs to be. They’re here too early, in Daehyun’s opinion, but Youngjae and Yongguk are on a mission.

The candles are still knocked over from when Youngjae and him had been through, and Yongguk breathes in the magic smoothly, eyes brightening.

They settle a little ways back from the clearing, can still see the circle of candles and can see the circle of carcasses.

“They’re trying to make a very strong werewolf,” Daehyun mutters, head tilted back to try and catch any scents.

Youngjae looks at him, tilts his head.

“Not all turnings are so extravagant,” he elaborates, shrugs. Yongguk eyes are scrutinizing when he lets them linger on Daehyun. Maybe the look is full of suspicion, Daehyun can’t be sure. Can’t read Yongguk the way he can Youngjae.

Silence is heavy between them, Daehyun letting the trickles of magic reaching out from the circle coax his teeth out.

It seems too risky to be here. Youngjae and Yongguk smell very human, pheromones swirling in the air. They don’t know how much they put off, but it’s enough to be lingering in his nose. He’s also just as distinctive, a werewolf can always smell another werewolf, but they probably help cloud his scent. They are in the most downwind position they can be, but there’s no way to guess which direction the other wolves could come from.

Daehyun is slumped against the rocks they’re by when he catches it.

He hears them shuffling before he smells them, the combined scents of the humans near him and the circle make it hard to separate all the other smells.

Stiffening, he tilts his head to see the full moon ascending closer and closer to summit.

Youngjae and Yongguk tense when he does, and he’s struggling to pull the scents out when he realizes it.

Realizes what wolves are in the forest with them.

It’s members of his pack. Because of fucking course it is. He knows them, the top betas. He has to close his eyes, focus on controlling his wolf. Then, he puts a hand on Youngjae’s shoulder, mouths _my pack_ when Youngjae turns to look at him. The flush crawling up Youngjae’s neck is definitely from anger, and Daehyun pushes to be ahead of them.

He really should have called his parents.

Reluctantly, he’s pulling off his shirt and pants, wants to shift but maybe not destroy his clothes. It’s the full moon tonight, magic is pressing hard on his skin from the inside out.

Youngjae’s hand is on his shoulder then, “wait,” he whispers.

He nods, but he’s tense, his nails are lengthening already.

When the other wolves finally are in the circle, they don’t have Himchan.

They aren’t even in wolf form yet, frown at the candles and reset them, start lighting them.

The alpha would be disappointed in them, Daehyun thinks, because here he is. Him and two humans, sitting near their ritual site and not even being noticed.

Crouching, Daehyun breathes slowly, in and out. In and out. Watches the wolves he’s never been fond of set up the ritual. They’re murmuring over the candles, Daehyun can feel the way his back wants to crack for the shift, the magic being whipped into a fever pitch in the circle.

He needs to think. He’s so uninvolved with his pack, needs to figure out why they would do this. Himchan is scary and strong, the only hunter the pack has truly, truly respected. He knows that much, remembers lurking on the outer edges of pack meetings with Himchan and seeing the easy cockiness that kept his shoulders high. The way he can be so near an entire pack and not flinch or shy away.

Himchan is _bold_ and has talked down to the alpha before. He’s never seemed to be retaliated against, but Daehyun has suspected that maybe the patrols have been spottier. Has suspected that they let those two wolves wander around last year because they weren’t particularly fond of Himchan’s little hunter.

That’s been a dark thought that’s been stuck in his head for a year. Can’t imagine why his alpha would give an all clear when the wolves were still there. The wolves were even on pack territory, then. He’s skipped the past meetings because of it. Can’t face the other wolves. He had fled after killing the wolves, packed that night and caught the first greyhound he could and didn’t look back. It’s not against the code to kill non-pack wolves in pack territory, but he knows they look down on him for how he is with Youngjae.

Maybe this is the retaliation. The alpha should never be disrespected, be nice to Himchan’s face and then when he pokes around too much turn him into what he hates.

Humans are so unaware of pack dynamics, so unaware of how things work for werewolves. The hierarchy is everything, Daehyun has never looked any member of his pack in the eye, even in human form he holds his shoulders down and keep his eyes low. Hunters always cause problems in packs, especially when they’re hunters like Himchan. Demanding, assertive, loud. Those kind of hunters don’t care about the hierarchy, maybe this has been building.

Daehyun’s reverie is broken when he can smell human that isn’t the two behind him.

Turning, he mouths, _they’re coming_ , doesn’t elaborate, and returns his focus to the circle.

Another few minutes later, and Himchan is dragged into the circle.

He’s knocked out, blood on his face. The alpha is there now, Daehyun hopes when this is all over, when they’re hopefully all alive, Youngjae and Yongguk won’t mention how badly Daehyun shakes at the sight of the alpha. Fear curdling into his stomach, he’s so lucky they can’t smell anything besides the circle, because his fear is burning his own nose.

Once Himchan is placed in the middle of the candle circle, the wolves shift. Daehyun shifts when they do also, takes a second to get used to his wolf form again, and then lowers himself close to the ground, muscles bunching. He’s not smaller than the betas, only the alpha, and he’s been fighting more recently, after spending so much time with Youngjae.

Maybe he has a chance.

His fur stands on end when the wolves start howling, and he turns his head to see the humans behind him. He blinks at Youngjae, turns again and starts crawling around the edge of the circle, has decided to be the distraction. They should have talked about a plan, turns for a second and snarls soundlessly at Yongguk when he tries to follow Daehyun. Youngjae’s hand reaching out and keeping Yongguk with him. At least Youngjae understands.

The magic is too loud to Daehyun’s wolf ears, roaring and rushing in tune with the howls of the top ranks of his pack. If he succeeds here, he’ll certainly be packless, expects everyone in the pack to scatter. He’s successfully made it far enough from the humans, almost all the way across from them, and he pauses, waits for the howls to pick up again.

When he steps into the ritual circle, each wolf abruptly stops howling, all eight betas and the alpha turn to him. He thinks he probably seems pathetic.

He isn’t in a submissive position like he should, and he can see the way the beta’s hackles are rising at his insolence. The beta closest to him breaks from the rest, snaps at him threateningly, canines just missing his snout.

Daehyun supposes there is no turning back now, lunges at the beta, pulls all the strength he has built up over the last few months.

He’s been fighting lone turned wolves for awhile now, brawling with the wolves that wander into the city. It’s maybe not the greatest hobby, but when he wasn’t speaking to Youngjae and had no friends in the pack, it just seemed the only thing to do. He’d go to the eastern forest and just _fight_.

He thanks himself for doing that now. Looks up when he has the beta on his back, jaws around the wolf’s neck, makes eye contact with the alpha.

There is no turning back. He can feel the door slamming behind him.

He dies here, or he kills the rest of the wolves here.

His jaws clamp hard around the wolf’s throat.

Three wolves are on him before he knows it, and he has to scramble to keep them from keeping him on the ground. The rest of the betas and the alpha go back to howling, and Daehyun hopes Youngjae and Yongguk know that they should probably get in on this.

It’s hard to focus on his fight and keep an eye out for the humans, but they do come then. Yongguk is using a knife, longer and thicker than Youngjae’s, and Daehyun can see the sheen of wolfsbane on it.

It gets chaotic from there, when Daehyun finally knocks down one of the three wolves on him, he gets a second to see the other four betas going after the two humans, the alpha is still working on the spell. Troubling.

The two betas still with Daehyun end up going down close together, Daehyun’s teeth ripping hard enough on their legs to make them retreat. He’s glad they give easy, glad when he watches them limp and collapse a little out from the circle. They won’t be moving for awhile, but they’re not dead.

When he can finally turn his attention to the alpha, his world tilts a bit dangerously.

The alpha is already going for the bite, Youngjae has one of the betas down, has wide eyes trained on Himchan. Yongguk still is fighting both of the betas going after him, but they’re struggling, not being able to get to him.

Daehyun isn’t fast enough to knock into the alpha before he can bite.

Youngjae’s shout is loud enough to rattle in Daehyun’s ears.

This isn’t a good fight for Daehyun, he can already tell, when the alpha turns to him. Eyes bright, Himchan’s blood on his maw, magic roaring louder and louder.

The alpha is large, older, he has this position because he is the strongest.

Daehyun tries to think like Youngjae.

When the alpha comes after him, Daehyun dodges, turns and digs claws in. But the alpha is fast, turns also and _bites_ hard on Daehyun’s flank.

The fight goes like this:

Daehyun tries to hit, gets hit back harder,

Daehyun dodges, gets bit anyway,

Daehyun bites, gets clawed.

He’s not losing, but in the battle of endurance, the alpha will win. They’re not paying attention, don’t see when the wolf on Youngjae goes down, when Youngjae runs to the candles, gets stung by the magic circling Himchan.

Yongguk has one of his wolves down now also, the second one has already been infected by the wolfsbane, though.

Youngjae is on the alpha before Daehyun realizes that he’s took out both the betas that went for him.

This fight is grittier, Youngjae’s knife sinking so deep into the side of the alpha’s neck that Daehyun makes a whiny noise. He jumps in when the alpha turns to snap at Youngjae, teeth sinking in to his alpha’s neck and _pulling_.

It’s enough, the alpha making noises that Daehyun’s has never heard from a wolf.

Daehyun has to drag his body to where Yongguk is at the candles now, the bites and cuts on his head, sides, and legs catching up to him.

Youngjae is also quicker than Daehyun, gets zapped by the magic again, has to yank his hand back quickly.

“It’s already started,” Yongguk says numbly, magic crawling up his arms as he shakes Himchan.

Youngjae looks broken in a way Daehyun has never seen, and he stops where he is, a few feet away, stays on his stomach and keeps his head low.

“What do we do,” Youngjae says, stares down at Himchan’s still body among the candles.

Yongguk is quiet, tries to heal the bite placed so carefully on Himchan’s shoulder. “Call Jongup, ask for permission, the magic will take better if he allows it.”

Magic stings Yongguk then, makes him jerk, pulls his hands away from the bite.

Youngjae has to step outside the circle for his phone to work, Daehyun crawling closer to the candles to look at Himchan. He’s never seen a turning before, doesn’t know what’s supposed to happen now.

Yongguk bares his teeth at Daehyun, makes him cower back.

When Youngjae returns, he looks grim. Says: “Jongup said yes.”

Yongguk’s hand draw back then, both the humans heads turning to look at Daehyun.

Of course they would, he’s the only wolf here. The only one with the power to complete the ritual. He doesn’t know how though, but the magic pokes at him, urges him.

They have to leave though, can’t be here when Himchan shifts. Newly turned wolves are dangerous, Himchan will be even more because his maker his died. He has none of the connection that other turned wolves do, cannot turn to his maker and have images and guiding words flash through his mind. At least the magic is strong, strong, the ritual so elaborate and complicated that he will be closer to a born wolf. His body will still not look right, in his wolf form, but at least he will be sort of like Daehyun. Back less cooperative and paws less paw-like, but he will be fully covered in fur, will be comfortable on four legs.

He can’t express this to them in this form though, and he doesn’t want to shift, the wounds on his body will make it excruciating, but he needs them to leave. The moon is at summit already, the magic pounding a rhythm into Daehyun’s head.

Shifting hurts so bad that Daehyun screams, when he’s laying out on the ground, he can see how wide Youngjae and Yongguk’s eyes are. He’s out of breath from the shift but he waves an arm, gestures for them to leave.

“You have to go,” he gasps, doesn’t move from where he is, fights to keep himself awake and keep himself human. “You can’t be around when he shifts, I’ll bring him back when he’s ready.”

Yongguk opens his mouth, like he’s going to argue, but Youngjae grabs his bicep, pulls. Daehyun doesn’t wait, shifts back to the wolf. It hurts again, and he manages to get himself upright next to the candles, watches the two humans go.

He doesn’t begin the second half of the ritual until they’re far enough gone that he can’t smell them anymore.

 

 

It’s frustrating, trying to teach Himchan how to be a werewolf when he can’t actually communicate with him.

Himchan doesn’t understand his body signals, doesn’t understand anything. And Daehyun can’t get him to understand without shifting, but his body still hurts. It’s a pain to shift, and Himchan is rowdy and annoying as a werewolf.

Plus, the wolf is just strong enough in Himchan’s psyche to get him to want to want to be dominant. He takes so well after the alpha that he’s bigger than Daehyun, stronger, looks very similar to the alpha. When he was brand new, just stepping out of the candles as a wolf, it had been easy to get him to listen. Snap his jaw at him and herd him out of the circle, deep into the forest. But, after a few days of being a wolf, Himchan is suddenly so happy to knock Daehyun over, swipe at him with his paw. Can’t even read the submission on Daehyun’s body so he never _stops_ just keeps going. Daehyun has had to actually snap at him, put teeth into his side to make him stop.

Daehyun gets the slightest impressions of Himchan’s emotions, probably has to do with the ritual being completed by him. But, he doesn’t have the full connection. The connection that would allow him to express himself to Himchan through images and words and ideas that would make this easier. As it is, Daehyun has to finally give in three days later, shift himself into his human form and fist hands in Himchan’s fur to get him to listen.

“Listen,” Daehyun says, glares when Himchan’s ears slide forward and his tail goes up. “To shift back you have to focus on being human, imagine being human, really reach for it. It’s going to hurt but you can’t stop halfway, you have to keep going, OK?”

Himchan licks Daehyun’s face, which is gross, but Daehyun uses his grip on the wolf to shake him. “Do you understand?”

When he nods, Daehyun backs away, they’re in some cave he found in the forest, exposed only enough for him to have found it.

The floor stings against the cuts on Daehyun’s legs, and his wounds are bleeding sluggishly, all the scabs having popped off when he shifted. He really wants to sleep, but Himchan is looking at him too hard, and it’s making him anxious.

“I told you how to shift,” Daehyun mutters, tries to stop moving so he won’t flare his pain.

When Himchan moves closer, bumps Daehyun’s head with his own, Daehyun can’t figure out what he wants. He makes no sense, reads somewhere between human and wolf so neither side of Daehyun can really figure him out.

“I can’t take you back home until you can shift forms,” Daehyun sighs, lets Himchan lean against him even if the scratch of fur in the open wounds on Daehyun’s side and arm hurt.

He doesn’t really remember dozing off, but he snaps back into wakefulness when he hears the painful snaps of bones shifting back and hears Himchan’s agonized groans.

“You’re doing good,” Daehyun says, leans over the writhing mass of magic and fur and skin. “Just keep focusing, you’re almost there, so close.”

It takes another five minutes, and then Himchan is laying on his side on the cave floor, he’s breathing like he ran a marathon, and Daehyun just strokes his back soothingly.

“I hate you,” Himchan says, and Daehyun’s hand pauses awkwardly on his back, withdraws slowly.

It takes him a bit to reply, doesn’t know what to say. “Sorry,” he goes with eventually, lets his head drop a little.

“Did you know your pack would do this?” Himchan asks, isn’t facing Daehyun and is still panting heavily. Daehyun kind of misses the playfulness of Himchan’s wolf.

“I was the omega,” Daehyun sighs. “I stopped going to meetings and I never had friends in the pack, you know that.”

Himchan has known Daehyun for a long time. Has been present in Daehyun’s life and pack since he had moved, was just a kid and was losing in scuffles to wolves younger than him.

Himchan groans, rolls so he can push himself onto his hands and knees. He turns and looks like he’s about to lunge at Daehyun, but he ends up just sitting back on his heels.

“What happened to you?” Himchan asks, gaze dragging over the still open wounds littered across Daehyun’s body.

“I killed the alpha and betas of the pack,” Daehyun says simply, doesn’t elaborate that Youngjae and Yongguk also did this, just lets him know as much as he needs.

Himchan’s mouth falls open then, new understanding clicking into place in his head.

“You...” he stutters, “I thought...”

Oh, that makes more sense. Daehyun relaxes, of course Himchan would have no memory from the event. He doesn’t even have a maker to project the night into his mind so he can grasp that as a memory. He’s just blank.

“Youngjae, Yongguk, and I tried to stop the ritual,” Daehyun begins, watches Himchan sink into a more comfortable position. “We didn’t get to you before the alpha had already bitten you. You can’t come back from that...so they had me continue the ritual.”

Himchan is quiet, processes what Daehyun is telling him.

“I can’t take you back yet,” Daehyun mumbles, pokes at one of the wounds in his thigh and hisses at the pain. “You need to be able to control the shift better.”

Sighing, Himchan crawls over and slumps against Daehyun.

“I never know what you’re trying to tell me when you’re a wolf,” Himchan says.

Groaning, Daehyun’s voice rising in annoyance, he says, “I _know_! It’s so annoying. I’m going to teach you how to read wolf body language before we go back. I can’t stand when you won’t stop knocking me over.”

That makes them dissolve into laughter, Daehyun feels rather light, feels the weight of guilt that had settled so hard on him after the ritual lift off him. Himchan isn’t mad, at least not expressively, and that’s all he wanted.

 

 

Another three weeks later, Daehyun is sneaking back into the suburbs with Himchan at his tail. He needs to get them some clothes or something, can’t figure out a stealthy way to get to the apartment without being naked otherwise.

He’s tense, hackles standing up and his teeth are showing in a snarl. He really thinks the pack did scatter, the neighborhood only smells weakly of them, but it doesn’t hurt to be careful.

His house is empty, like he expected, but the backdoor is unlocked when he pushes it with his nose. Himchan is too close to him, pressing against his side while Daehyun snoops through the house. There are no notes, which makes his chest hurt, but they left his room untouched. He shifts when they get to his room, waits for Himchan to shift, and then pulls on clothes for himself. He finds sweatpants and a sweatshirt for Himchan, the only things large enough to fit the older man. They’re silent, and Daehyun is thankful for it.

Daehyun is turning to leave when Himchan huffs. “Pack a bag,” he says.

Going back to the closet, Daehyun pulls out one of his duffel bags, starts stuffing clothes in it. His chest really hurts, he really feels sick.

Himchan huffs again, pulls Daehyun back by his shoulders. “Idiot,” he mutters, reaches around and grabs one of the suitcases Daehyun has stuffed there, packs for him. Daehyun sits on the edge of his bed, looks down at the vomit stain on his fuzzy rug.

It never occurred to Daehyun that Himchan might be able to feel his emotions, not until Himchan rumbles low in his throat and comes back to run fingers soothingly through his hair. Daehyun sniffles, can’t believe how much it hurts, to feel alone, have no pack, everything crashing on him at once. When Himchan pulls him into a hug, Daehyun’s face pressed against the older man’s stomach, he can’t really stop himself from crying. Feels so, so weak. He did this, killed the leadership of the pack, so he killed the pack, so of course his family would scatter the way the rest of the pack would.

It’s not even the first time his family has had to scatter, so of course he knew this would happen.

It felt a little less real when he was just in that cave with Himchan, slowly teaching him what the curl of a tail meant, what the position of his ears meant. Now, alone in his house, the one left behind, he feels so bad. Feels abandoned. Himchan is cooing or something, making comforting noises as he strokes Daehyun’s head.

“You have us,” Himchan says finally, after Daehyun has gotten it all out.

“It’s my fault,” Daehyun mumbles, speaking generally, but Himchan interprets it differently.

Fingers pulling roughly at Daehyun’s chin to make him look up, Himchan says sternly, “Nothing is your fault. It’s my fault this happened to me, it’s not your fault your pack did anything. You did the right thing, no one can be mad at you for that.”

Daehyun nods, feels his lip pout out still, has to bite it to keep the tears in again.

Himchan turns and goes back to packing for Daehyun, and Daehyun thumbs at the scar forming over his wrist from one of the scratches he had gotten in the fight.

Daehyun is also a bit distressed because he’s pretty sure school has started again, and he’s here, with Himchan, who he doesn’t feel right leaving to fend for himself as a werewolf for at least another two months. That’s OK, he supposes, he only went because he needed something to take him away from the pack. Now, he doesn’t need that anymore.

Zipping his suitcase up, Himchan turns back around and looks for critically at Daehyun.

“How do you create a pack?” He asks, puts his hands on his hips.

That is a good question. “I’m...” Daehyun has to think really hard. “I mean...I’m not sure. Packs are usually family. I guess. I don’t know...”

“If I bite you, will you be claimed by me?” Himchan asks, and Daehyun wrinkles his nose.

“No,” he scoffs. “That’s not how it works, where did you get that idea? I’ve already bitten you like five times.”

Himchan rolls his eyes, picks up the suitcase. “I think we should be a pack. Can humans be in packs? Lets make the others be in our pack also.”

That’s a good idea actually. Daehyun can’t keep the grin off his face. Himchan rolls his eyes again at how brightly Daehyun is smiling at him, but he smiles also.

They manage to find shoes that fit Himchan downstairs, and both the cars are gone, so they just decide to walk. They both don’t have their phones, Himchan’s is only God knows where, and Daehyun thinks maybe Youngjae has his.

They stand awkwardly outside the apartment, both of them nervous to face the people inside.

Himchan lets them in, takes the stairs up even if Daehyun is huffing and puffing with his suitcase after the first floor.

When Himchan punches in the code and swings the door open, Daehyun peeks over his shoulder to see into the apartment.

Junhong is there, looks shellshocked. He’s up and squeezing Himchan into a hug before Yongguk can step out from the kitchen, and Yongguk pulls Daehyun in by the neck, crushes him in a hug. It’s so easy to melt against him, let Yongguk squeeze him. Junhong is babbling at Himchan, too fast for Daehyun to catch everything he is saying.

“Thanks for bringing him back,” Yongguk mutters, steps back from Daehyun but lets his fingers rest on his shoulder.

 

 

❖❖❖

 

 

Youngjae is just off work, trailing back home slowly when his phone buzzes. A text from Yongguk, _come home quick_ , and that sets him moving faster. He can’t help but let his heart race a little, his breathing pick up.

When the door swings open for him, Himchan grinning at him like he always used to, Youngjae can feel the way his face crumbles, the hot tears that spill down his cheeks. Himchan’s eyes widen, but he pulls Youngjae into a hug, rubs his back and rocks them side to side.

He doesn’t have any words, just pushes his face into the crook of the older man’s neck and squeezes his arms around him. He missed this. Missed him. After a bit, Youngjae realizes that if Himchan is here, then...

Daehyun is wringing his hands together, standing a little away from them. He looks so nervous. Youngjae feels bad for some of how he acted that night, feels bad for the anger he allowed himself to feel towards Daehyun. But, he steps away from Himchan, reaches for Daehyun.

He doesn’t need to go far, Daehyun barreling into him and nearly knocking them over, lips pressing messily and fingers bruising on his hips.

“Gross,” whines Junhong, and Youngjae feels something bounce off his head, laughs into the frantic kisses Daehyun is planting on him, pulls away to glare at Junhong.

Daehyun is pushing his cheek against Youngjae’s now, holding him close enough that they’re touching all the way to their knees.

Himchan flops back onto the couch next to Junhong, pinches his cheek until he groans and twists his head away.

“How are all of us supposed to fit in this apartment,” Himchan says loudly, Yongguk rolling his eyes from where he is on the armchair adjacent to the couch.


End file.
